bitchspeak

This morning a woman guest came into the office for coffee, we chatted for a moment, and then she said, "By the way, the ceiling fan in my room isn't working.  Would you get it fixed while we're out, because I'm claustrophobic and need the circulation or I can't sleep.  If not, can you move us to another room?  I'll check back with you later."  After she assured me that her air conditioning unit was working well, I said we had no other rooms available, but would look into the fan issue.  When we cleaned the room, I saw that someone had torn off the fan pull chain and that's not a quick fix, so I left her a note on my personal stationary saying, "Thank you for alerting us that a previous guest has broken the ceiling fan.  We will be replacing the fan with a standard light fixture."

Now let me translate this entire conversation into bitchspeak.  "Your rooms are so damn small, I can't breathe and if the fan isn't fixed we may want our money back for tonight."  "Oh, yeah?  well screw you."