He Wanted His Mommy

He arrived in a pick up truck with a big honkin' Harley in the bed.  For several days, he leathered up & took that ole Harley out on the road.  One day, he tells me he's feeling a little punky.  By the following day, this tough motorcycle dude was whining like a baby.  He never felt so sick in his entire life.  "Darn, you must have a bug." I said.  "You need to sleep it off & sweat it out." 


For days, every time he heard me or housekeeper K, he would drag himself out of bed to follow us around so he could describe every miserable symptom he was experiencing.  Now my kids can attest to the fact that I'm not exactly the sympathetic type and neither is K, so he was singing to the wrong choir.


A huge concern of his was that his Canadian vacation medical insurance would run out before he could get medical attention.  He actually wanted me to drive him to an emergency room.  #1, he didn't need an emergency room, #2, I wasn't letting anyone that infectious get in my car or that close to my own currently healthy personage. 


On the day his insurance was due to run out, he called his insurance company & was assured that he was covered.  "I need to go to the emergency room & can't drive," he tells me.  "Can you call me a cab or an ambulance?"  OMG, I'm thinking, but I do try for a cab.  No luck.  "If I take an ambulance, my insurance company will pay me back," he whines.  Well, I've been losing patience for a few days now & tell the dude that he would surely be embarassed if he went to the ER by ambulance.  "It's less than a 1/2 hour." I say.  "Trust me, you can drive it.  Just suck it up & do it."


"What should I do with my stuff in the room in case they keep me," he croaks.  "You'll be back," I assure him.  He made me call the emergency room to let them know he was coming.  They were as thrilled as I was.  After he left, I must admit, I had a second or two of doubt.  Wow, I'm thinking, if this guy is seriously sick, won't I look like a heartless bitch?


His truck was back in front of his room 4 1/2 hours later, so I was vindicated.  This morning before he left, he cornered me in the laundry room to whine about his insurance running out before his trip home.  "No problem," I say.  " You've got your antibiotics & will be fine."

He actually said to me, "What if I have an accident on the way home?"    Mommmmmy.................

Got 'Em

I keep forgetting to upload the photos in the opposite order, so they're from ending to beginning.

1. Our hog trappers card, in case you need him, 2. the empty cage right on the property line between us and the neighbors, 3. a momma hog (mean and mad) 4. two baby hogs (just as mean as mom.) Whoever said all babies are cute never saw these nasty little sons of guns.

We're all hoping we never run in to daddy hog 'cause he'd probably rip our throat out while we stand frozen in fear. These things are scary.

Lions & Tigers & Pigs

The cats who live next door have pretty much taken care of the rats and mice, snakes and gators are taking their winter break, we haven't seen the bobcat in months and even the ubiquitous florida palmetto bugs are pretty scarce this time of year.


Apparently, so we don't get too critter complacent we have now been invaded by a family, herd, gaggle or flock of wild pigs. Our neighbors yard, our back yard and especially the area around the fish cleaning station has been completely uprooted by feral pigs.


I just read that in 2005 there were more than 500,000 wild pigs in Florida. Hunting them is legal and even school children have chaperoned, organized pig hunts. Of course all Florida children carry shotguns. What fun. "Hey Maw, I just kilt supper."


I have a shotgun too, but we're going a more civilized route. Doesn't that take all the fun out of it? Our neighbor is the assistant greens keeper at the local golf course and he is contacting his pig trapper, no joke, his pig trapper to come here. We pay his expenses and he gets to keep what he traps. He then butchers the creatures and distributes the meat to the poor. Sounds like a win-win situation
Snort-snort.

You're Stoopid

Did you just call me stoopid? Yes I did. You're stupid. OK, not my best. Here I am, faced with a young moron. Oh yeah, a drunk young moron apparently one of the workers staying in room # 11.


This kid called the office 3 times asking for my caller ID of the phone # for the call that just came through to his room. 3 times I told him that no calls have come through the office to his room.


A short while later he shows up in the office. "Why are you keeping this number from me?" he yells through the metal piercings in his face. Okey dokey, now he's crying. "My child is sick and you won't tell me who's calling my room!." I looked him in his wandering eyes and told him once again that no calls have come through my office in the last 2 hours.



When he insisted that I was keeping his calls from him I said, "Man, are you stupid or what!." "Are you calling me stupid?" he screams. "Yeah, stupid." I reply Do I have a command of the english language? As soon as my emotions get involved, I get stoopid.



He then threatened me with leaving this crappy motel and taking his business elsewhere. Like he's paying.


He goes back to his room & then starts calling the office again. I answer 3 times, take his drunken abuse, then just stop answering the phone. He keeps ringing, so I call the VFW and ask the DH if he's sober enough to come home & help me out. It's either him or the cops & I'm not sure I want the cops involved at this point.



DH shows up and a drunken dialog between the two ensues. The kid now claims that his wife is pregnant and expecting her mutant at any minute and we're blocking calls to his room. I'm standing outside the room with my cell ready to call 911 at any time when all of a sudden we all hear a phone ring inside room #11. It was the kid's cell. His wife or whatever was calling & wanted to know why he hadn't been answering his phone.

To Cruise Or Not To Cruise

The Ho & I had our monthly therapy session today and over lunch she described the cruise to Mexico she & her DH took last week. It was her first ever ocean cruise. I was fascinated, never having cruised myself. Fear of sea and air travel plus the claustrophobia & nausea involved, makes me a "rubber meets the road" kind of girl.


The Ho & her DH went on a Carnival cruise to Mexico with a group from our local VFW. She has been all over the world with the military but can't swim and has never cruised. I had offered her my barf bracelets, but she demurred, preferring to tough it out. Turns out the girl has sea legs & never had more than a slight queasiness even in rough weather. I couldn't wait to hear every detail. Aren't we all fascinated by the things we're most afraid of?


Being a newbie cruisewise, her ho'ness wasn't totally up on the dress "code" & one evening her clothing choice was subjected to a rude remark by a cruise mate, female of course. I would have decked the b***h, but The Ho having more class than I do, totally ignored the remark and went on to have a terrific evening.


All in all, she felt is was a fun experience, but would make different choices next time. We talked about taking a cruise together sometime in the future. I also have a group of high school friends who cruise together frequently. I envy the fun to be had and have resolved to do more research on cruising and reexamine my feelings and fears.

A Crapper In The House??

My friend and neighbor had a septic tank pump problem today resulting in the smell of human waste wafting through my home for an hour or two. I found DH outside watching the work crew & questioned his standing over the hole when sitting in our kitchen would have provided him with the same olefactory ambience.

Those of you who have city sewage service can never even imagine what those of us with septic tanks deal with.

In the early to mid 20th century in rural areas as well as many American cities, outhouses were the norm. Now, I'm a hugh fan of indoor plumbing, but I have read that many folks fought what we today regard as progress. "I don't want a crapper in the house," was heard by many who felt one would bring germs and unwanted critters into the house as well as create privacy issues.

Personally, I'll put up with the septic tank issues rather than have my "crapper" outside. Besides, there isn't even a Sears catalog anymore.