Rattlesnakes & Rattletraps

Photo #2 shows a shot of a rattler captured in DD Danielle's back yard yesterday.

When Callie the cat didn't return from her afternoon romp in the yard, Danielle went to investigate & found Callie frozen in fear facing a fat, four foot long rattler coiled to strike.

Son-in-law, Ike distracted the viper while waiting for local law enforcement to come and hopefully, blow the thing's head off. Uh, uh didn't happen. Dudley Doright apparently wasn't permitted to use deadly force. Instead, he offered to "relocate" the critter, so he & Ike wrangled the thing into the above metal trash can. I hope in the "relo" neighborhood that folks lock up their cats, small dogs and kids.

This weekend, Port St Joe High School was having a classless reunion. No wise guy, I don't mean only "no class" people could attend, but because it's such a small town the reunion was open to every graduate regardless of year. One of my guests was one of four remaining from the class of 1941. Another guest, who I'm estimating graduated somewhere around 1965 arrived driving the above pictured vintage Camaro. He had one of those honkin' loud mufflers on it and he was personally sporting a diamond in one ear lobe. I'm guessin' a really cool guy.

While I'm sipping my first cup of coffee this morning, he comes to the office to turn in his key. Shortly afterward, I hear the roar of the engine starting up & then Bam! The damn thing blew up & there were open flames under the front end. The driver hopped out over the flames & ran. DH Dan, grabbed a fire extinguisher & got to the car in time to put out the fire before the gas tank went up.

That muscled up engine is toast and the sad remains were flat-bedded away. Now there's a class reunion the guy will be talking about for years.

Big Whoop

Yeah, you're probably as impressed as I am. I spent over $1600 today and all I got was this lousy ice machine.

The old one bit the dust. Boy, did that hurt. Anyway, our friend Jim Emerson of Emerson's Heating and Cooling in Port St Joe, arranged for us to get this one at his wholesale price. What a good guy.

Dan picked it up in PC and Jim helped with the install. Now all I have to do is pay for it.

A Picture Is Worth You Know What...

After our "Dan's birthday" weekend at the pricey condo we had enjoyed for my birthday the previous month, I did contact the Director of Ops and expressed our disappointment with the unacceptable unit first assigned to us.

Let me remind readers that Dan got the front desk to move us. It took an hour, but we were ok with it.

Those of you who know me well, would be surprised that I pretty much kept my innate facetiousness in check and worded my constructive criticism kindly. (Well, just except for the remark about a tenement with a view.) Within the week I received a response from the director himself, and I quote: "Today I inspected the unit you requsted to move from.....this unit has new light fixtures, granite counter tops and many upgrades." Yesterday he requested detailed information and any photos I had taken.

Two of the eight photos are included here. He got back to me today, and I quote: "Thank you very much for the information and pictures. This will help Rental Services in urging the unit owner regarding upgrades and guests perception of their unit and the resort..........Please contact me directly for your next visit and I will ensure you get a nice unit and provide you with dinner for two at our ..... restaurant."

We really like this place and the amenities, and since he offered, I took him up on his offer. He will personally choose the 3 bedroom unit in which we'll spend 4 days over Christmas.

Dan's Birthday Weekend

Dan wanted a gourmand's delight for his birthday, so back we went to the condo complex we like in PCB. His birthday was everything he wanted and more, but it wasn't all pretty.

This is our second stay at this particular resort & on my birthday last month we were very impressed with our unit.

We would have requested the same one this time, but it was on the sixth floor & Dan wanted to be higher up. OK, we reserved last month before we left & were told we had a unit on the 11th floor. At check in, we find we are assigned to Tower 1, # 1004, so someone changed our unit from the original reservation. As we approached the doorway, we see a dirty crumpled up entry rug. Oh yeah. Downhill from there. This unit was a tenement with a view.

It was shockingly dirty with rusted out appliances, stained vertical blinds, ripped and torn master bedding, drawers which wouldn't close. My grandmother had a newer stove & she's been dead for 20 years. Dan got on the phone to let management know that this unit was not even rentable and after an hour we were reassigned to a unit in Tower #2 on the 11th floor. It was ok. Not nearly as nice as last month, but clean. Essential.

What I'm learning about condo rentals is that the individual owners are responsible for upkeep & maintenance. What I still don't understand is why management doesn't set minimal requirements for cleanliness and upkeep before they assign rental guests. Not to mention regular inspections of the units for compliance.

That issue aside, once we settled in, the sound of the surf & the incredible view lulled us into a state of relaxation. We had drinks at the on-site restaurant, which is actually quite good, but on this occasion, understaffed, so did take out from there to our rooms.

Birthday day!! Breakfast on site where they do a killer eggs benedict. Then for lunch, nachos at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, (hence the above photo,) topped off by an awesome dinner at the Boar's Head Tavern. If great food while staring at stuffed feral pigs works for you, then you'd probably like it as much as we do. The porkers, (not to mention the occasional wolverine, tiger, fox & badger,) on the walls have a strange appeal.

The birthday boy was happy.

Off To a Good Start

This smile is totally fake because a frown makes me look older.
For the first time in several weeks, I have a full house tonight. Dan left, as usual at 4 PM for the V. The you know what hit the fan shortly afterwards.

# 5 called because her bathroom was flooded. When I called Dan, He told me to stick a towel under the leak. I did. # 1 called because their air conditioning isn't blowing cold enough. When I checked, I had to admit it could be cooler in there. While #1 was at the desk complaining and requesting one or more fans, my oldest friend from NJ called to tell me her mother passed away last night. I had to call her back so I could deal with #1. How rude am I to an old friend?

The kid from #6 just came in to ask me for a bobby pin for his mother's hair. A bobby pin??? Do they still make those things. I just may pull out my own hair before this night is over. It's only a litte after six. Plenty of time to lose my mind and my hair.

This is an addendum. It gets worse. Two women just checked in to my last room. Because it wasn't reserved, the air wasn't on. Not 5 minutes later they came for their money back because the ladies in #1 told them our air conditioning sucked and they didn't want to take a chance. Thanks girls. If they'd given it a chance they would have found that #3 has very strong air. I never argue or try to rationalize because a customer is going to perceive what they perceive. Nevertheless, I feel crappy about the whole night so far.

Sad Story

Very sad story.

For me that is. Isn't this a great picture of a boy & his big boy toy? Dan got a twofer by renting the front end loader over the weekend. My goal was a regraded driveway so we'd have better water run off after a downpour. Very willing to budget for it. Less mud means less work.

Dan always has a personal agenda & his was moving his sandpile, (don't ask, that's a whole other story,) and clearing underbrush for a spot to park his box trailer. He spent Saturday taking care of his priorities.

Well, he did move about 1/2 of the sand pile. A lot of it is outside my office window & the other 1/2 in another mountain out back.
Don't ask, I have no idea.

Sunday, the very next morning, out he goes to play some more & when I don't hear any noise, I already know disaster has struck. Sure enough. Flat tire. Could that have been from using a front end loader as a bulldozer?

The toy sat unused all of Sunday & was returned Monday morning. The exhorbitant bill was paid and the driveway is still full of ruts which will fill with rain, then mud, then mud in the rooms.

Do I sound a little ticked? Mmmmm, maybe.

The Hitchhiker

Some of you reading this are going to find it hard to believe, but The Ho & I swear it's true.

The Ho cultivates the bromiliads on her screened in porch & mine is one of her "pups." The hitchhiker used to live with her, then last winter took a trip to Key West in another plant given to girlfriend Carol. Carol is a snowbird & on her way back north she dropped off her plant to The Ho for winter safekeeping and guess who was still living in there? Shortly before she gave me my pup,The Ho sadly told me that the hitchhiker had disappeared. We knew we'd miss him, because he was such an intrepid adventurer.

When I went out to mist my plant today, I thought I saw a new leaf & stuck my finger in there. It moved! Then I looked closer and saw that cute little guy looking back at me. Could it be? I wondered.

When I emailed The Ho today to ask if she thought it was possible she emailed me the following response:

OMG I believe it is him! Can't remember exactly the last time I saw him but I think I brought the plant to you the last time we went to the Sunset which was Aug 12th. When the little tropical storm blew in on the 16th, I took all of the bromeliads out of the plant stands and put them on the floor of the screen porch to protect them from any wind and I hadn't seen him for a few days before that. The little fellow really does like to travel! Gene thinks it is him too, said that the little cracks on the porch are not big enough for him to get through and we didn't find him dead so he must have been in your plant, even though I thought I checked it good. Bet he thinks he is in heaven being outside with so many bugs to eat! How cool, he wintered in Key West last year, spent most of the summer here and now resides at the Dixie Belle Motel! A lot of mornings he would be in the center cup and loved it when I misted the plant, like he was getting a shower. LOL Thanks for the picture, you got a great shot! Now I have to e mail Carol, she will love it. Enjoy the little guy until he decides it is time to move on again! Love Ya,The Ho- Show quoted text ------ Original Message -----

From: Michele McDonough To: Ho Sent: Sunday, October 04, 2009 3:18 PMSubject: hitchhiker
Hey Ho, did your little froggie hitchhiker disappear before or after you gave me the bromeliad? I was checking the leaves this morning and guess what I found? Love, The QB

Cake Boy

Yesterday, I took a reservation from a guy in California who is apparently visiting friends in Port St Joe for Thanksgiving. He's only here for 3 days, but needs a full kitchen because he has to bake a cake. He tells me he is famous for his rum cake.

For 3 years in a row I had a guest I called "fruit & nut boy." He came from Vermont, all by himself & I always ran in to him in the pig buying fruit & nuts, so this new guy has now become "cake boy" in my mind.

When I sent his confirmation, I offered to supply him with a cake pan so he wouldn't have to bring one or, god forbid, try to find one in PSJ. He emailed back gratefully accepting the offer of a bundt pan & could I please include a mixing bowl. What he doesn't know is that the oven in unit #9 hasn't been checked for accuracy in years. I can't bear the thought that my oven could be the cause of cake disaster, so before he gets here I'll check it and let him know how accurate the temp is.

Baking is not like cooking. Baking is science & everything must be just right in order to get the desired results. Trust me, I know. I've had the undesired results way too often.

I know nothing about this guy, but I'm kind of liking him already. A man who bakes can't be all bad, right?