The Dixie Belle Daily

Some Good, Some Not so Much

2011-03-29T21:11:00.000-04:00

We had a charming couple from Canada with us for almost 2 weeks. They are the kind of people one hopes for in a people-oriented business. The guy even repaired my car. I lost my tail light on my last road trip. I bought the new part in Dec and had been waiting for the DH to install it. I probably wouldn't have lived long enough waiting for him. Here it is March & my nice quest fixed it for me. Can't wait til they come back next year. I'll make a list of needed repairs.

On the other hand...I had just finished rehabbing unit #3 & made it non-smoking. The DH checked in two off the street people who paid cash, but he didn't get a cc# because he tells me he trusted them. What does he care? He doesn't have to do any of the work. They smoked up a storm. Left cigarette butts strewn all over the floor. I have to close the room for 3 days to repaint, strip and shampoo.

This morning when I went out to clean, I found more than a dozen dead fish thrown in the parking lot in front of unit #5. Now I know it wasn't the guy in 5. He's here working for the gas company and is a totally anal non-fisherman. Anyway, I picked up all the dead fish and dumped a bucket of Lysol in front of the room to dispel the stink.

Just 20 minutes ago, 3 workers checked into my bunk room. One of them came to the office a couple of minutes ago to request another pillow. He was annoyed that I had to go out to the laundry to get his pillow and before he stalked back to his room asked me to give him a lime. "I'm sorry, I don't have any limes," I said. "What kind of hotel ees theese!" he shouted at me.

I think I'm going to take a blog break. I'm getting negative and my muse seems to have abandoned me.

Short & Sweet

2011-03-15T19:19:00.001-04:00

This report I mean, certainly not the project.

I laid this floor.

I also built the dining table and chairs. I know I could be breaking my arm patting myself on the back, but hey, it was a lot of hard work. The middle photo shows the old decor. Actually, the Nascar theme turned off a few women. And forget the yankees (they're people who live above the Mason-Dixon line in case you're not sure), they don't even know what Nascar is. So we stuck with the beachy theme. It's what folks want when they come to Port St Joe.

We bagged the futon to make room for a more comfortable dining area. In lieu of the futon, I put a rollaway in the closet so the room still sleeps 4. Nooooo...the 4th person does not have to sleep in the closet.

Look What The Tide Washed In

2011-03-11T18:44:00.000-05:00

I got a call this morning from the DH while he was out roaming around town. He said: "There's a huge three masted tall ship docking at the marina downtown." "Git out!" says I, "Come right back so I can go see it." Yeah right. I waited 15 minutes then locked up the lobby, forwarded the business phone to my cell and grabbed my lovely assistant, Shegundala. We sped to the marina, staying within the speed limit the entire time of course. (I got stopped for speeding a couple of weeks ago by some local yokel cop with a bug up his ass, but that's another story.)

We're only two miles from the marina, so as soon as we turned right out of our drive we spotted the masts. That's a sight I never would have expected in little ole Port St Joe.

Isn't she impressive? I can't wait to go on a free tour. She's going to be in port here until March 20 and tours are free although donations are welcome.

I can't figure out why. Why is she here? I guess I won't know until I take the tour. Her name is the Peacemaker. Didn't John Wayne have a gun by that name? I didn't see any cannon though so I guess the marina isn't in imminent danger.

She's a barquentine rigged as a 3 master. Overall length is 150' and her height above the waterline 126'. Tours are from 10 AM til 7. Tea and cookies with the captain will be served from 7:30 til 10PM. Tea & cookies???? What? no rum? no grog? I think the captain is going to be a little lonely with his tea & cookies. But that's just me.

Idle Hands

2011-03-05T19:15:00.001-05:00

In the past 3 days I.......

Built this chair

built this desk

built this bookcase

built this tv stand

Tomorrow, I tackle a dining table and four chairs and put the last tile in the vinyl floor I laid.

I've got two projects going at once. My lovely assistant Shegundala and I are renovating kitchen unit # 3 and I'm redoing my personal office space.

Which project do you think was the easiest? the hardest? the most frustrating? Well,

the chair went together pretty quickly. The little computer desk was a total bitch and I did the TV stand outside on a windy day with the screws and instructions blowing all over the parking lot.

It's a good thing that I'm a person who likes instant gratification because the finished products make me smile with a sense of accomplishment. Not to mention that my tush is smiling in it's new comfy office chair.

Tourism Expo

2011-02-22T19:12:00.002-05:00

My lovely assistant Shegundala and I attended the first Gulf County Tourism Show today. I'm pretty sure we were the only people in the room who didn't win a door prize, but hey, lunch was free and from one of the best restaurants in town, Provisions. The selection of salads, sandwiches, cookies and assortment of fat free pound cakes was what I've come to expect from Provisions. Exceptional. The pound cake which was presented in a half dozen different flavors was incredibly moist and rich. I spoke with the creator of these treats and she told me she makes them with fat free yogurt. Forget about getting the recipe, it's probably locked in a vault.

But, I digress. The real purpose of the event was to promote to the business owners and front line employees all of the diverse activities available in the immediate area and how to communicate our diversity to current and potential visitors. Informational booths included fishing charters, beach weddings, kayaking, scuba diving tours and instruction, the Cape San Blas lighthouse, boutique shops, beach horseback riding, tackle shops, tupalo honey, art studios, boat rentals, eco tours and more.

We were given a card and if we had our card initialed by every participating vendor we visited we'd be eligible for a grand prize. We didn't win that either. It was a great idea because obviously it motivated all attendees to visit with all vendors.

I was ho humming about a planned customer service workshop since in my lifetime I have been to about sixty million of them. But...Gulf County Community College presented an informative and entertaining program reminding even the most seasoned of us of the 10 Commandments of customer service. Shegundala laughed her ass off since I have violated all of them & will probably burn in hell for it or surely lose business because of it. It was a bit of a wake up call for me. Since I'm pretty much a one woman show and put in 14 hours a day ( boo hoo) I tend to get testy and forget that people are spending their hard earned money to stay here at the Dixie Belle and providing clean rooms is not enough. They want my best personal effort and they deserve it. So I'm going on record as saying that I'm turning over a new leaf.

The smart ass in me is going to sum that up by saying that instead of just handing my guests the plunger, I'll offer to personally plunge. You get the idea. I want to thank the Gulf County Tourist Development Council for a terrific day.

What IS that?

2011-02-18T21:41:00.000-05:00

The Dixie Belle has been jammin' during the last few weeks. There are a couple of major construction projects going on & we're the only local motel offering weekly rates so the word has gotten out to the construction workers & I've had the no vacancy sign out pretty much Monday through Thursday.

With this unexpected boon comes unexpected problems. Check out the photo.

These used to be two of my soft white fluffy bath towels. I top locked these guys so they couldn't get in their room until they brought their supervisor to my office. He paid for the replacements and took care of speaking to the inconsiderate, disrespectful, ignorant filthy pigs. Oh excuse me... guests.

Unfortunately, I still take it personally when people disrespect me and my property. I used to get very angry, but that just raises my blood pressure, so I get even. I hit them where it hurts. Either in the pocket or with the boss.

Not all of them fit the above description and I understand that some of the job sites are muddy and dirt's going to get tracked inside. I can deal with that & some of the guys are going out of their way to keep their rooms as clean as they can. I have one guy who's been here for over a month & has observed some of the bad behavior of others. He has watched me outside at night with my whip and chair trying to tame the beasts. "Michele," he said last night, "I have your back. If you need any help with these guys I'll be there for you." Isn't that sweet?

I have my doubts though. Greg's a lover not a fighter. Every week there's a different car parked at his room and he tells me he met a nice lady. Today he said he's getting homesick for his dogs and cats.

Scary,But Lucky

2011-02-07T21:23:00.001-05:00

The DH & I have been experiencing headaches, lethargy and occasional nausea lately. He went back to bed at 11 AM yesterday complaining of a "hollow head" headache. Later in the day, I went to the bedroom to read and also developed a headache I would describe as "hollow head."

It came to me in a flash, because my friend The Ho had dear friends who lived in a trailer and suffered carbon monoxide poisoning. One of them died. I ran to my computer and looked up symptoms. Bingo. I immediately suspected the gas heater, so turned it off & we called the gas company first thing this morning.

They showed up promptly & declared the heater safe and efficient, but the ancient gas range in the kitchen was emitting dangerous amounts of carbon monoxide. In a small space like this, the amount of deadly gas could have killed us. Carbon monoxide is colorless & odorless.

The gas company techs found that my range was set for way too high a flame and was consequently blocking the air intake. Thus the danger. They adjusted the settings, but recommended that if I was going to keep the old range that I should either open a window or turn on an exhaust fan every time I use it.

I'm encouraging those of you with gas appliances to get a carbon monoxide detector or to have your gas company check those appliances yearly. What a needless death that would have been. I'm not ready to go yet.

A Little Excitement

2011-01-29T20:46:00.001-05:00

About an hour ago, I was getting ready to fix myself some dinner when I heard the door open & saw on my security monitor a shirtless young man pacing the lobby. It's 48 degrees outside and the lobby is only 4 paces by 3 paces, short trip.

I didn't bother with my weapon, because this just didn't seem like an occasion when I would have to shoot someone in the kneecap.

"I was just attacked ! he cried." The kid, as it turned out, had stayed here a couple of nights ago and apparently was working with & now bunking with my "guests" in room three. In tears he asked for the key to said room so he could get his stuff. " I was attacked and my shirt ripped off me. I need to get in that room and get my stuff." He was pounding his fists on the front desk while the tears ran down his face. I lost interest around then.

"So sorry," I say to the weeper,"but you aren't a registered guest & I 'm not letting you in the room."
"I need to call 911", he sobbed . I handed him a phone. I'm a bitch, but not a heartless bitch. He related his sad tale to the police and cried that the "lady" at the Dixie Belle wouldn't let him get his stuff. While waiting for the cops, he asked to call his fiancee long distance, so I gave him my cell. I went back to my desk, but could hear him crying for sympathy from his lady love.

In the meantime, I called the DH, (because he hates to miss a little drama.) The DH and the cops got here around the same time, so I let them sort it out and finished fixing my dinner.

Here's the boring tale. The shirtless weeper & one of his roomies got drunk and argued over what ever young testosterone driven boys get intense about & the weeper got the worst of it. After he described his suitcase and cell phone, the DH and a cop went in the room, retrieved his gear and sent him on his way to cry on his fiancee's shoulder. Poor girl.

Most Comfortable Bra Ever?

2011-01-25T19:23:00.002-05:00

Yeah, that's me. I've been working out.

For months now, I've been on a mission to find a comfortable everyday bra. The one I have loved for many years has been discontinued and my remaining stock is discolored, the elastic is sprung and they're basically unwearable.

On an internet search, I came arcross the "Coobie." Get it? A coozie for your boobies. I immediately ordered two and after a trial run of 4 days declare the Coobie my new favorite bra.

The deceptively thin straps hold the girls up quite well and are interchangeable with supplied clear straps which come in handy here in Florida where we wear relatively skimpy summer clothing. One size fits all...I know...but I have to assume it really does. No wires, no hooks. It slips on over your head. The Coobie comes in a delicious assortment of colors, because the lace trim looks so cute peeking out.

I ordered two nudes, but will be going back to the website & getting some sassy colors. Ah yes, price. The scoop neck is $20. I got the Vneck @ $22 and there's a bandeau also.

No one is compensating me here. I'm just so happy that my girls are happy andI wanted to share.

Catching Up

2011-01-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

I just finished this novelized history of New York City. It was a good book, and it made me think of some of my more memorable trips to NYC.

I was 19 years old on my maiden voyage to the big scary city. I took the train from Trenton where I was at school. I had a role in a production of the United States Steel Hour. For all you kids out there. TV was live in 1962 and you had to be there. I stayed at the Barbizon Hotel For Women (just like the movie Stage Door, with Kathryn Hepburn and Ginger Rogers.) The US Steel Hour drama was called "Street of Love" and starred Millie Perkins and Doug McClure, neither of whom talked to us lowly cast members.

Every broadway show I went to was memorable especially my first which was "The Unsinkable Mollie Brown", starring Tammy Grimes.

I had the real working girl experience when I stayed at a friends west side apartment while working as a model at the Catalina swim suit showroom.

Lunch at Windows on The World at the top of the world trade center with a gaggle of my misfit friends was a unique experience where we laughed until we cried and looking back on it a kind of surreal day.

I've watched football in Yankee Stadium (Army/Oklahoma), eaten in Chinatown, shopped in Bloomies, had a carriage ride through central park, ice skated at Rockefeller Center, enjoyed the MOMA and the Met, toured one of the largest transatlantic cruise ships in the world, rode the Staten Island ferry, and yes got thrown out of the Playboy Club and mistaken for a hooker at a hooker bar and way too much more to tell.

The day I took the DH to the city was exceptional. We walked in Central Park, where he got taken by a hustler, saw "Le Cage Aux Folles" on broadway, and had dinner at the Rainbow Room at the top of Rockefeller Center where I must say, we were treated like royalty.

Me and New York go back a long way. The city has always intimidated and excited me and my feelings in that respect probably put me in good company.

Good Thing They Weren't Elephants

2010-12-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

No photos for this post. It wasn't a pretty sight. Today I checked on some of the rooms which had not been occupied recently. One never knows. Unit #3 looked ok on cursory inspection, but when I checked the bathroom, in the shower corner I found a bunch of black dots & smudges. I also found them on the clean bath mat, and later on the carpet by the door.

It didn't look like insects or rodent poop, so I had the DH check it out. He was convinced that it was indeed an invasion by a herd of mice. There was a hole in the floor of the shower where I saw the biggest concentration.

On reinspection, I found the nasty evidence in other places. The foil stove top liners were chewed, there was poop behind the toaster and around the sink. I spent an hour in there, cleaning and recaulking the shower to at least plug up the obvious entrance. Then I set 3 strategic traps. This is war!

Thank god they weren't elephants or the poop would have been over my head.

Proud Mama

2010-12-17T17:27:00.000-05:00

Here's my DD Danielle receiving her Bachelor of Science degree with top honors from Flagler College. I was privileged to be there as she was honored with the award for being valedictorian of her graduating class.

Kudos to a woman with such determination that she held down two jobs, raised a family and still managed to earn her degree with excellence. She is an example and an inspiration to women of any age that if one desires something with passion then one should go for it.

My Winter Escape

2010-12-05T19:15:00.000-05:00

I've escaped!! Well, not completely. These photos are of a vacation rental I took for the month of December. I was there the first 4 days of December then had to come back to the DB to take care of some business. Going back in a couple of days & the DH will join me for the weekend.

The deck is very private and the stairs at the back lead to a rooftop deck with an ocean view. From the sliding glass doors I can see my own private jungle & I think I'll stick a Christmas tree out there. I'm not really into Christmas these days, but a tree will look festive. The place is a little spotlessly clean doll house. A tad dated, but it has everything I need and is close to the DD and family.

Oh! Let me bitch for a moment. I'm paying big bucks for this little get away & when I went to the office to ask about inviting my family to come into the park and have dinner with me, I was told I'd have to pay $5 a head. I'm outraged. I understand the need to monitor the comings and goings, and I would agree if they were overnight guests, but I'm going to have to pay everytime I have someone stop by That's just wrong. I paid the $20 to have my children to dinner, but that's the last time.

Because I feel it's wrong, I refuse to cooperate. The DD lives in the subdivision across the street, so I will run a shuttle service in my own vehicle. I'm reminded of the old drive-in movie days when we used to hide extra people in the trunk. I won't violate the park policy of no more than 6 people visiting a site, but I'll be damned if I'm going to pay $5 every time my grandkids want to stop by after school. I want to have my family over to decorate the tree and have dinner and no way am I paying $30 for 6 guests to visit me for a couple of hours. Arrest me, throw me out. Fat chance.

On a positive note, my first few days of relative aloneness were worth the price of admission. I slept late, shopped, walked, read, cooked and reveled in the pure pleasure of a solitary existance. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and answered to no one. I had nothing to do but please myself. The escape was so worth it and I can't wait to go back.

Hotel Nazis

2010-11-20T19:48:00.000-05:00

We get visited by the Florida hotel nazis twice a year and my most recent visit was in July. Two very officious people showed up flashing badges and frowns. I had to open up three rooms and my laundry/ storage area for inspection. I've been doing this for 9 years now & usually I get written up for not having my cleaning products properly labeled.

The Florida regs are pretty basic. Label your chemicals, don't keep chemicals where they can contaminate linens and towels, have working outside fire extinguishers and smoke alarms in each room.These folks wrote me up for stuff I didn't even know were violations.

A cigarette burn in a chair (I have since sewed it together,) a missing ceramic tile in a bathroom (I smacked some joint compound in the hole,) a bit of mold in a refrigerator gasket (I cloroxed it and now do that on a regular basis,) and missing ceiling tiles in my laundry room. I agree, the tiles needed to be replaced. They've been like that for 9 years. After getting the write up, I asked the DH to please, please make that job a priority, because at reinspection, if the violation hasn't been addressed you will be fined.

I've been begging & pleading since July. I wrote notes and pasted them on his computer. No luck. So what I did was go out & buy myself an electric staple gun & hid it. Can't let the DH touch my tools. They disappear into his black hole. Tonight I snuck out to the laundry and tackled the project myself. Not a piece of cake! In fact it was a bitch. The staple gun didn't do the job, so I nailed the damn things up there. By the time I had 3 tiles done, I was done. I'll go out each evening a do a couple more until I fill in all the missing squares.

If you look close, you can see my handiwork.

I know, it's terrible, but once I fill in all the squares I won't have to worry about a fine. I'll do a few each day. PS I did rotate the photo, but it didn't come out right either.

Fall Anywhere

2010-11-17T17:22:00.000-05:00

It's my absolute favorite time of year wherever I am. These photos are my backyard tonight, just before sunset. Today was a rare day in northwest Florida. Low humidity, cool enough to need sleeves and colors so sharp they inspired a double take.

My recent trip to NJ took me through the still colorful leafiness of North and South Carolina and I was appropriately awed. But when I arrived at my DD's home, stepped out of my car into her knee deep drifts of leaves piled at the curb and smelled the earthy perfume of a south Jersey fall, I felt so home. Not "at home" but home. The entire time I spent in NJ, I breathed deeply and saved the memory of the scent to bring back to Florida with me.

Ely Rodriguez

2010-11-11T19:22:00.000-05:00

I've been in New Jersey for the last week to be with my daughter Denise and her children. Here is her husband Ely's obituary as written by her.

Ely Rodriguez
42, of Mays Landing, passed away unexpectedly on November 2, 2010

Ely is survived by the light of his life, his son Logan, by his wife Denise, and his three stepchildren: Zachary, Cody, and Chelsea. He also leaves behind his stepfather Jose Carmona, his father Gabriel Rodriguez, 16 brothers and sisters, and his beloved nieces and nephews. He is predeceased by his mother, Nicasia.

Ely was honorably discharged from the United States Army in 1988 and worked as a waiter, photographer, and salesman before settling into his job as a repair clerk at Verizon 11 years ago. Ely will be remembered for his huge personality, for being the life of every party, for being the Pittsburgh Steelers' #1 fan, and for his ability to make friends wherever he went. But mostly he will be remembered for his unwavering devotion and loyalty to his family and friends, and for being the best husband and daddy anyone could ask for.

It goes on to give details of the celebration of his life which was attended by an overwhelming number of relatives and friends, many who spoke with eloquence and sincerity about this man who loved life, his son and family and the people who will never forget him.

I'm Doing This

2010-10-26T18:16:00.000-04:00

Saturday, Nov. 6, 2010 Quite Possibly the Biggest Beach Walk in the World Through a one-day beach walk that covers 825 miles of Florida beaches, organizations and individual volunteers around the state will celebrate our sandy shores and show the world – with photos from each mile - Florida’s beaches are as wonderful as ever. Florida Organizations Partnering for Florida This event is being supported and promoted by a number of great Florida organizations. VISIT FLORIDA, the state’s official tourism marketing organization, is hosting the overall effort, including the website to enlist volunteers and promotion beyond state boundaries to potential visitors. Volunteer Florida is organizing the official volunteer efforts across the state. The Florida Restaurant and Lodging Association is reaching out through its extensive network of partners to let Floridians know about the event and support participants. The Florida Lottery is providing promotional support, and organizations such as the Florida State Parks and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission are contributing expertise and volunteers. Sunshine State Momentum Within the first few days of official registration, all 34 Florida beach counties had their volunteer hosts on the case. Local service organizations, Scout troops, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Keep Florida Beautiful, Stetson, and tourism organizations are just a few of the folks stepping up to organize and serve as volunteer walkers and photo-takers in their counties. Event Day Registered volunteers (individuals and groups) will head out to walk their official mile sometime after sunrise and take a photograph along the way to upload to the internet. By 11 am EST, each official County Host will know how many of its county’s miles have been walked and photographed, and will report in to the Operations Centers. All photos will be displayed on
www.visitflorida.com/beachwalk
There will be two hub locations for media - one in Miami and one in Northwest Florida – where Operations Centers will be set up to receive updates throughout the event from County Hosts. Update information will include the number of volunteers participating, the number of miles walked and the photos uploaded to the VISIT FLORIDA website. In both hub locations, there will be:
• a sunrise kick-off address
• groups of walkers heading out at set intervals throughout the morning
• an 11:30 EST closing ceremony to recognize the achievement of the volunteers . Local Volunteers, Local Events, Local Media Opportunities Each county will have its own agenda, but all will follow the overall timing of the event. In some counties, there are
additional special events in conjunction with the Beach Walk. As their schedules evolve, information is being posted to
www.visitflorida.com/beachwalk. We are encouraging media to participate as well as report on the event. Post Event: All photos can be seen on www.visitflorida.com/beachwalk. Visitors to the site will be able to vote on their favorite beach mile and be entered in a sweepstakes to win a Mazda Miata and $5,000 to take their own tour of Florida beaches. Important Connections: www.VISITFLORIDA.com/beachwalk www.VolunteerFlorida.org
GET INVOLVED! REGISTER. Find your county host.Media contact: kathyt@visitflorida.org and (850) 345-6494

See special events in your area. Help spread the word. Thank you!

Interesting Cast of Characters

2010-10-18T17:48:00.000-04:00

Last week, here at the Dixie Belle, we were treated to an interesting cast of characters. First there were a couple of our regulars. Dr. Domestic Dispute, who wouldn't let me put any calls through to his room from his wife. "We're fighting," he told me, "and I don't want to talk to her." Which put me squarely in the middle since the wife called several times.

In a separate room was his assistant, Nurse Snatchit. Every time she stays here, she takes pretty much everything that's not nailed down. She doesn't drink our in-room coffee, but takes all packs as well as the cups. She brings her own soap, but takes our wrapped soap. We've stopped putting extra rolls of toilet paper in her room because out the door they go.

Mr. & Mrs. Stinky Feet were here for an entire fetid week. Neither me nor Shegundela wanted to be the first one to open their door for housekeeping. The shoes left in the room reeked so badly we couldn't inhale. Shegundela sprayed the insides of all the shoes with OdoBan which is very effective usually but didn't make a dent in those stinky shoes.

The newlyweds were delightful. Both well into their 70's, they spent an active week fishing and sightseeing. She gave me 2 jars of her homemade fig preserves and they were absolutely the best preserves I ever tasted.

Then there was Mercedes Guy. Actually a friendly charming guy. He introduced himself to me, shook my hand, told me he see me again in a couple of weeks and drove out of the parking lot in his black incredibly shiny ride. I found out how he polished that baby when I discovered my formerly fluffy white bath towels a nasty shade of grey-black.

The pies de resistance was Drunk Harley Guy. We live in the trailer attached to our office. When we rehabbed the tin can, we turned the former living room into our master bedroom, so there's an exterior door not far from the foot of the bed. We do have a gate, albeit unlocked, with a sign saying no entry, private area. Anyhoo...I was awakened at 11:40 PM by pounding on my bedroom door.

Rather confused, my first thought was that it might be the DH who could have misplaced his keys, so in my underwear, I thread my way through the maze of rooms to the front office window to check if there's a vehicle outside. Seeing no vehicle, I go back to the bedroom which is pitch black because I don't want to turn on any interior lights. Someone is still pounding on my bedroom door. In order to gather my thoughts, I thought I sat on the foot of the bed, but only one cheek made contact and I fell hitting my head, right ear and shoulder on the corner of the opening to the next room while my hip bone made contact with the floor.

Now I'm hurting, I'm bleeding and I'm really mad. I throw on a robe and go back to my office to get my weapon out of the drawer. By this time, the knocker has come to the front office door and started pounding again. From the front desk, I can see a guy with straggly blond hair, a blue cut away T shirt and a lot of tats. I rested my elbows on the front desk and aimed the gun directly at his head, absolutely ready to pull the trigger.

The excitement pretty much ends here because he gave up after several minutes. I had mixed emotions. I was mad enough to blow his head off so it took another hour before I cooled off enough to go back to bed.

Next morning I found a very nice Harley parked out by the front fence. When Shegundela came to work at 10 AM, she told the rest of the story. Harley guy went through the fence to the house next door where she lives & pounded on her door. She had her husband there, so they actually opened their door. Harley guy told her he was too drunk to drive his bike home, so she got dressed and drove him to a motel in town while telling him that he was very lucky that the Dixie Belle lady did not indeed blow his brains out.

This Hotel Manager Speaks For Me

2010-10-14T12:20:00.000-04:00

In response to a recent article on the travel site Gadling.com the following comment was posted. I agree completely with this woman's point of view. I'm passing this along even though some comments don't apply to the Dixie Belle,but everyone who ever stays in a hotel/motel can benefit by knowing some of these things before your next stay.

Kristina Oct 5th 2010 10:07PM

I am the General Manager of a hotel in NY. The fastest way to get what you want is ABSOLUTELY to be nice. If you are nasty when you arrive, you can bet on the fact that we will put a note on your reservation, on the housekeeping notes and in what we call the "log book". If you start out your stay nasty, we absolutely will do anything possible to NOT help you. A few important papers, should be locked away at the desk. I know my front desk staff better than I know my housekeepers, and to be quite honest, we are not responsible for the things left if your room. It says it right on the back of your door. Along with the innkeepers laws, the fire escape route, the maximum rate allowed to be charged for the room etc, it tells you right there. The past court cases have sent precedents that a rented hotel room is much like an apartment. I can go in whenever I please, but you cannot hold me responsible for anything that happens to your belongings. Unfortunately, there is no renters insurance for hotel rooms.

1. NEVER book using an internet site. Always call the hotel directly. Sites purchase rooms from us at a discounted rate, which yes, helps us fill rooms. What they don't tell you is that your room is guaranteed for only two people (unless specified otherwise), that your smoking preference is not necessarily guaranteed and that you will be the FIRST person to be moved out of your chosen room type if we are overbooked. We also will move people who pay the most to the suites if we are overbooked on standard room types. You should first and foremost look on the internet for pricing, using sites such as Kayak.com. Then you need to go to our website, THEN you need to call the hotel. If you are staying more than one night, my staff are instructed to automatically offer you a lower rate, or a free suite upgrade at the price of a standard to ensure that you will walk in the door happy and stay with us again.

2. Always research the area you are travelling to. If you do not like noise, DO NOT book an airport hotel. If you start complaining about the noise from the airport, we are going to assume you are a moron. YOU booked this hotel, we did not force you. If you want a lower rate, do not book in the middle of the city. Yes it is convenient. But you will have to pay a hefty parking fee, if you can even get a space. You will also have to deal with more noise. All hotels have their information on the internet, on a printable page that outlines the features of the hotel.

3. Do not complain about the quality of the towels, bedding, soap, shampoo, FREE breakfast, etc. We do not have a choice as to which of these things we purchase and use. Our brands have standards that we have to follow, or we pay fines. You will most likely not get a discount. We will simply come out and tell you that we are forced to purchase these things through our brand supplier.

4. If your room is not cleaned to your standards, please for the love of god, simply ask the front desk to have a housekeeper come by again. I am usually the one who will come and clean your room because I want to see for myself where my staff is lacking. The management really does care what the rest of the staff does during their workday. Mistakes are made. You are not perfect in your job either.

5. If, during your stay, the housekeepers did not clean your room, or did not make your bed, its almost half of the time, the guests fault. If you leave your Do Not Disturb tag on the door, the only person who can go in your room is a manager. And yes, we will check the room to make sure no one is lying in there dead. We are required to enter each room every 24 hours to make sure there is nothing wrong. If your bed is not made, please look to see if you left personal items on the bed. My staff are not allowed to touch your belongings.

6. If you have children, ask to be placed on a lower floor. Or in the rooms directly over the front desk, or other non-room space. Then the kids can run around all they want and you wont get a phone call from my staff asking you to knock it off. We really do want you to enjoy your vacation.

7. Do not EVER yell at my staff. Or get violent. I will have you not only thrown out of the hotel, but I can have you arrested.

8. Do not leave valuables in the room. EVER. There is a safe deposit box at the front desk. All medication, jewelery, money, electronics, passports,

9. When I tell you that there is nothing I can do, there is either A. Really nothing we can do because we are full etc, or B. you have been a complete jerk and I am not going to help you.

10. Do not take things from the rooms. Not the towels, blankets, pillows, ashtrays, NOTHING. My housekeepers do pay attention and I will charge your credit card. On the registration paper that you signed, it clearly states that any damages to the room or theft of items will result in charges to your card. Yes I will charge you twice what it costs for the item.

11. I will post an extra cleaning fee to your room if you leave the hotel and it takes my housekeepers forever to clean up your disaster. They have me come upstairs and take pictures, and no fighting with your credit card company will help you. My account with the card company is bigger than yours as a corporate business.

12. If you want a quiet floor, ask for the floor where the corporate travellers are kept. I put them on the highest floor of the hotel so that they won't be bothered. They spend 50 times what you spend in my hotel and are treated the best. I know all of their names, wives names, have pictures of their kids, and will honest to god bring them breakfast in bed free of charge if they are sick. I will also pick up their drycleaning, have flowers sent to their wife for them or anything else. Corporate travellers are our favorite guests because they usually only have housekeeping come in every few days, dont make any noise, are out early and back late and they dont complain.

13. If you are not travelling on government business, do not try to book the federal rate. I will catch you and most likely charge you more that you should have been charged if you had been honest.

14. Don't try to cram 15 people in one room. You are breaking the fire code and you can absolutely be fined for this. We charge an extra person fee in the room because if costs us more in wear and tear, linen usage, breakfast costs etc. Sometimes, we will waive the extra person fee if you are nice.

15. Dont call the 800 number for the brand. They are in a foreign country and have NO IDEA whether they are booking you in the right neighborhood, much less the right country. We cannot cancel your reservation outside of our cancellation guidelines because the owners of the hotel would fire us. Your $100 is not worth my salary, I'm sorry.

16. Do not let elderly people book rooms for themselves if they are not seasoned travellers. It sounds horrible, but they honestly end up really frustrated because they don't really understand a lot of the policies we have in place and they drive the front desk staff crazy when they say "WHAAAT??" every three seconds.

17. You have to give a credit card to book a room. Period. I will sometimes hold a reservation until 6pm for you. If you are late, I will sell your room.

18. If you do not know the difference between a debit and a credit card, do not use your debit card. Our credit card system cannot tell the difference and will deduct the money from your bank account electronically until well after you have checked out. We release the money back to you the day you check out. It can take your bank up to 10 days to get it back in your account. If you cannot afford to have that money held up, hit the ATM and just pay in cash. You will usually have to put down a fifty dollar deposit, but you get it back. It saves a lot of grief. This is why we ask for a credit card at check in, not a debit card. I will most times not send a fax to your bank telling them to release the funds, ESPECIALLY if you have accused us of stealing your money. We just assume you are an idiot.

19. If you get blood or vomit or urine or whatever on the towels or sheets, please ask for a garbage bag and bag them yourself. My housekeepers really really do not appreciate these messes. I do not let them handle linen that has bodily fluids on it because it is dangerous. They go directly from the bag into our huge washing machines and no one is contaminated. I do not let them bleed all over your room, please do them the same courtesy.

20. If you book an advanced purchase room, you will save a lot of money. IT CAN NOT BE CANCELLED. You receive this courtesy discount because you are guaranteeing you will be in the hotel on that date. We honestly don't care if Great Aunt Frida jumped off a bridge. That is not our fault.

21. If you want to know a really good secret, ask if the hotel is overbooked when you check in. We do something called "walking a room" which means we pay for your stay at another hotel that has space. We have to book you into a place of equal or greater value according to our standards. You get a free room, you help us save ourselves a lot of grief, and honestly, you may end up with a nicer room.

22. Book your room three weeks ahead of time. At least. THEN call the day before, before your cancellation window, and check the rates in town again. Sometimes we have to Fire Sell the rooms to get rid of them. You might just do better. Book the room under your wifes name, cancel yours and there ya go! $20 off. Nice huh?

23. ALWAYS become a member of that hotels loyalty program when you sign in. Gold Crown Club, Choice Privileges, Wyndham Rewards, Priority Club Rewards, Hilton Honors, etc. Ask at the desk for them to sign you up. We get a bonus for signing people up, and sometimes we will upgrade your room for free. A lot of times you will get free drinks, coupons, free bottled water or snack, a pass to a managers reception etc. Not to mention the fact that you earn points which add up to free nights or free stuff in the future.

24. If you have made yourself unwelcome at a hotel, don't try and stay there again. Especially if you have called our 1-800 to complain about something trivial. You cost us $150 in fees, and we will cancel your reservation. Honestly. I have a blacklist. Not only that, but when I kick you out of my hotel for being a jerk, I am going to call all of the other hotels in the area, and they wont rent to you either. I will give them your description and tag number and the staff will be on alert to not rent to you. I really do know the managers of all the other hotels, and we hang out together. Not to mention the fact that the owners of my hotel, probably are friends with, or already own the hotel down the street. Its not really that competitive of a market when you get down to it, because we help each other out a lot.

25. If your secretary books your room incorrectly, dont yell at my staff. The problem is not within our company, its within yours.

26. Don't smoke in a non-smoking room. I really do charge that $300 smoking fee and you won't get that money back.

27. If you have a dog you are bringing on vacation, DO NOT leave them alone in the room all day. They will wreck the room, no matter how good they are at home. If you offer the agent at the desk $20 to dog sit, they will almost always let you keep the dog behind the desk with its food and water, take the dog for a walk a few times on their breaks, and actually give the dog attention. We will charge you if the dog wrecks the room. It's worth the $20. Trust me. If your dog is psychotic, BOARD IT. I have been bitten quite a few times. I am an animal lover, but trust me, eventually its going to be a severe enough bite and someone is going to get sued because I had to go and snatch a dog out of a room because it was bothering our other guests. If your dog bites me, we will have a problem.

BE NICE and you will almost always get your way. Don't freak out because you did not get new shampoo. That does not deserve a $20 discount. I am going to look at you like you are crazy and hand you five little bottles of shampoo and send you on your merry way. And then I will blacklist you.r

I'm Impressed

2010-10-06T19:50:00.001-04:00

This morning I had an appointment for a diagnostic test at our new hospital here in Port St Joe. From the moment I entered, I was treated with courtesy, respect and personal attention.

Now I have a rather checkered medical past and have had occasion to need hospitals up & down the east coast, as well as in a 3rd world country called Louisiana. My experierence today was a shock to my system. I'll explain.

When I entered, the volunteer at the front desk smiled and greeted me pleasantly then personally led me to the main check-in desk. A friendly smiling face took the essential information, then escorted me to a private cubicle for processing. Actual check in took about 15 minutes because of the mounds of paperwork involved in absolving hospitals of any misdeeds. However, I was spoken with as if I was a real person and not just an annoying interuption in said paperwork.

After being processed, the clerk personally escorted me to the radiology lab waiting area & wished me well. After a brief 5 minute wait, a young tech greeted me with his name and shook my hand. He offered information, privacy and again, talked with me as if I was a reasonably intelligent co-inhabitant of the planet. I was impressed.

When the testing was complete, this delightful young man personally walked me out to the lobby and wished that we'd see each other again, but under different circumstances.

I have never had such a positive medical experience and the next time I feel like I need a little love, I'm heading for my little hospital. Thanks to all of you or ya'll as we say here in L A.

Spry???

2010-10-05T21:29:00.001-04:00

At my family gathering in NJ a couple of weekends ago, my oldest grandson, somewhere in the 21 year old category, greeted me with, " Wow, Gramichele you look so good and spry." Spry? Spry? I hate that description of me. I see a spry woman as one in her eighties, nineties, etc. dancing on "Dancing With The Stars." What the hell, was he wanting me to do a couple of cartwheels?

Actually, Cloris Leachman would also be offended by being described as spry. It's a crappy adjective. It's right up there with younger people calling us "young lady." Don't start me on that one. Ending that particular condescending title is my personal crusade.

We all have a picture of ourselves in our minds and we tend to think others percieve us as we see ourselves. That is so not true. I want to be seen as hip, smart, loving, pretty good looking for my age, but damnit, not spry nor a young lady. I'm an old lady and pretty proud that I've made it this far & with my essentials still intact. I want the respect I've earned. Don't use words or phrases that categorize and demean me like "spry or young lady." I will think less of you.

Almost a Mogul

2010-09-30T18:39:00.001-04:00

Nah not quite. I’ve been watching foreclosures in my little town for quite a while now. It’s a good time to invest in real estate. Well, a few weeks ago, I saw a Fannie Mae foreclosure at a great price and the interior photos were very surprising. So, I made an appointment with the realtor and went to see it. It was move in ready except for needing a back deck and minor repairs. When I asked about price flexibility, the agent told me it was going to auction.

Hmmm. I’ve bought some things at auction, including my car, but jeez, a whole house is a big deal. I registered for the auction, but choked when the live auction began. I made an opening bid, then froze. First time jitters I guess. What a cowardly fool I was. This house went for $34,000 in a neighborhood of $115000 to #125000 previously sold properties.

On the up side, I learned a lot, am still registered for home auctions & next time I’ll have more confidence in myself.

What I want to pass on is what I learned about the Fannie Mae Homepath program. They do not favor investors. Their purpose is to bring owner/occupiers into established neighborhoods. If you are an owner /occupier, you can put 3% down, no PMI, no appraisal costs. For the first 15 days of the listing, investors may not bid.

We all know people who need housing at reasonable cost and I just want to pass on info for this wonderful opportunity for buyers. If you know someone who could benefit from this program, just send them to the Fannie Mae Homepath website.

Me vs. Rental Car

2010-09-29T20:13:00.000-04:00

My friend the Ho is having car problems, which makes me think about my own transportation issues. My weekend visit to New Jersey involved a rental car. Hey, I’ve been driving for over 50 years. I can handle anything, right? Then why did I turn on the windshield washers 17 times before I got out of center city Philadelphia? I’m the first to admit that my eye-hand coordination leaves something to be desired, but damn, just ask my passenger, the DD. I just couldn’t get the whole shifter on the console thing. She would also mention that getting used to the sensitivity of the brakes was another learning experience.

I hated that car. For one thing, it was too close to the ground. I’m a tall girl & I need a tall girl’s car. I drive a totally uncool minivan & I like it. It’s old, the headliner hangs down in front of my face, the engine light is always on, but it starts up every time. The day it doesn’t start up when I need it to is the day I drop that sucker like the junker it is.

One reason I’ll hold on to it until the last mile is that I absolutely cannot deal with automobile salesmen or women. That’s a process I don’t understand. I’m too straightforward to play the game. They piss me off & I piss them off. My current junker I bought on Ebay. Lots of research and a trip to North Carolina to pick it up & et voila, I had wheels I was happy with. No mess, no fuss.

I wish good luck to the Ho & I wish my minivan with only 80,000 miles on it lasts another 50,000 at least.

Happy As A Lark

2010-09-27T17:25:00.000-04:00

That's how someone who saw me this past weekend at my high school reunion described how I appeared to them and it couln't have been more true.

This was a weekend to treasure for many years to come and for many reasons. My family members who could make it shared with me lots of hugs ,plenty of laughs, great conversation, and most of all, love.

From left to right, top row: son in law Ely, moi, son Nick, brother Stephen, middle row: daughters Danielle & Denise, sister in law Paddy, daughter in law Nicole and on the couch: grandson Zach, nephew Conlan, grandchildren Logan, Alexandra, Evan & my surprise gift for the weekend, grandaughter Chelsea Rose who I was told, couldn't make it back to SJ from her first week at Montclair U.

I'm feeling pretty lucky, and when I look at this photo, yep, happy as a lark.

Note To Connie

2010-09-24T11:45:00.000-04:00

At my high school class reunion last weekend, I was approached by a former classmate, Connie, telling me she had a bet with her sister that I had been Miss New Jersey. Her sister bet her an expensive dinner out that I was not. Sister wins, I was 3rd runner up. I felt I disappointed Connie, so I may as well disappoint a few more people.

Helen Garr, an upperclassman, majorette and Miss Atlantic County was my idol. I wanted to be just like her so I joined her sorority, became a majorette and wanted to win Miss Atlantic County. It was all about winning for me. The actual being……not so much. For about a week afterwards I was like Mel Brooks. “It’s great to be the queen.”

Once I realized I’d have to follow through with public appearances, the bloom was off the rose. I was still at Trenton State at the time, so I’d have to drive all the way back to South Jersey, probably missing some great weekend party, doll myself up & be some place I didn’t want to be. I’m essentially a lazy person. I’ll work hard when I have to but I never stand when I can sit and I never sit when I can lie down. Neither do I like being told what to do and where to be. But for a year they were the boss of me. Hated it. Parades were the exception. It’s really fun to be in a parade & I still tear up when I hear a marching band.

By the time the Miss New Jersey pageant rolled around, I knew I didn’t want to actually be the queen, but I did want to win the title and so I gave it my best effort. I felt pretty good about being 3rd runner up, even if I did despise the bitch who won. My actually winning could have been a tad problematic because unbeknownst to me I was a teensy weensy itsy bit pregnant.

PHS Class of 1960, Our 50th

2010-09-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

My 50th high school class reunion was everything I hoped it would be. My only regret was not having enough time to spend with old friends. My classmates have grown with their life experiences into seasoned adults with stories to tell. Reading their personal comments in our souvenir booklet made me want to talk with each of them and find out more.

We danced, we laughed and we used our two short nights together to reconnect and catch up as best as we could. There was a lot of love in that room. Even though our time together felt short, I’m sure I’m not the only one who couldn’t have partied one more day.

For me it was a five day whirlwind. Amtrak travel is relaxing, but it’s still travel and that took up two days. My DD was my travel companion, and when the granddaughter texted wanting to know what it was like, the DD said, “Go into your closet, put two chairs facing each other and close the door.” She exaggerated, we had a window. Confession: years ago on my first overnighter in a sleeper car, I did a pressed ham as we passed a crossing with a line of waiting cars. Don’t tell anyone though.

Doing the whole glam thing was also a tad stressful. It’s been ten years, our last reunion, since I’ve done the whole nine yards. Around here, I slap on a little makeup when the Ho & I go to lunch once a month. My hair hasn’t been out of a pony tail since last winter. In Florida, wearing hair down feels like wearing a hair hat. NG for heat in the high 90’s. While I was getting ready for Saturday night, the condo was filled with my children and grandchildren. They were shocked when I emerged as glam gran. I told them that just because I don’t do it, doesn’t mean I don’t remember how.

With any luck, I’ll be able to do it again. Ten years is a bit optimistic at our age, so I’m hoping for five and will be looking forward to it.

Puzzled and Saddened

2010-09-22T17:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm puzzled and saddened by a diatribe/resume published in our 50th high school class reunion souvenir booklet. It was written by a former classmate who signs himself "...in all humility,"
His Name, PhD, DMH, MBA, BBA, CEO, PDJ, Inc., Vice President, Senior Class of 1960

He begins his diatribe by insulting the school, then continues on by insulting his former classmates as well. A few direct quotes: "Many people can remember teachers berating non-conforming students through lackluster courses taught by authoritarians." "If one part of the scenario was the teacher, the second part was our own indolence, laziness and hormonal imbalance." I say, speak for yourself, pal.

He goes on in this vein for 6 printed pages. Yes, 6. The latter half is devoted to his own accomplishments peppered with the names of every prominent person he has ever encountered as well as quotes from the likes of Gen. Eisenhower, Thomas Wolfe (whose name he misspelled) and Kipling. Is he assuming that this is the first time we've heard these? I get the feeling he considers himself the only truly educated and enlightened person from our class.

He did not attend our reunion this past weekend because and I quote, "I believe my schedule won't accommodate the reunion date." He did however, hope we all had a wonderful time. I remember him as a pretty nice guy. Maybe a little bit of a pompous ass back then, but it now seems that he's a bitter, judgemental, namedropping pompous ass with a superiority complex.

Jersey Girl Back In Florida

2010-09-21T19:39:00.001-04:00

Just got back from an exceptional trip to my 50th high school class reunion plus a fabulous get together with my family. I got in late this afternoon, so as soon as I detox, I'll be chronicling the highlights with a rant or two thrown in. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing 3 installments. My major regret is that my camera malfunctioned & I am photoless. What a bummer.

Refusing Martyrdom

2010-09-13T19:18:00.001-04:00

The Ho sent me this birthday card on the condition that when her birthday comes around again I will tell her she also looks fabulous.

No Lie. We both look fabulous.

I've spent most of my adulthood perfecting the role of martyr. No more. I'm done. The DH has a meeting he can't miss tomorrow night, so he doesn't want to join me in celebrating my birthday.

No problem. I'll leave here after work, drive to Sam's club in PC, buy myself a pair of outrageously priced Maine lobster tails. I have a 1 PM manicure appt, after which I'll stop at the El Governor Beach Bar in Mexico Beach for a cocktail before heading back to say so long to the DH. It should be a slow night at the motel, so I can cook and savor my lobster without interruption.

It's going to be a great day. Lesson for the day: you are the only person responsible for your own happiness.

Welcome To The Neighborhood

2010-09-02T21:36:00.000-04:00

My dear friends Ed & Bill moved from Hammonton, NJ to Atlanta, Ga and I took a quick run up there the other day. Bill has accepted a very prestigious position at Emory University. They're only 5 1/2 hours away so I'm thrilled that they're now in the neighborhood. My ride to Atlanta was very pleasant until while passing the airport a 747 damn near took the roof off my car. Until you've driven I 85/75 through Atlanta you've not experienced extreme driving. I used to think the Schuykill Expressway outside of Philly was the kamakazi strip. Close, but no cigar. Not even a cigarillo.

Their new home is on a lovely street with mature trees and landscaping. The house itself in today's terminology is "mid century modern." The floorplan is ideal and there's a full basement with wet bar and full bath. It would easily fit a pool table and full size shuffleboard table. Oh dear, here I go making it my own. Down girl. Oh, and there's a 50 ft. magnolia in the front yard. I should have taken pictures. Next time.

I love Ed & Bill dearly, but I'm "in love" with Benny. Benny is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and the darlingest dog ever. He's gorgeous, he's loving and I wanted to steal him. Look at that face! My research tells me that this is not a dog to leave in a doggy hotel. He wants to be with his family all the time, so I'm going to have to wait until we're living in an RV so when I get my own Benny he can go everywhere with us.

I May Get To Europe Yet

2010-08-27T17:17:00.000-04:00

I don't fly, I don't cruise. I do cars and trains ( and under duress buses.) One of my most memorable bus trips was to Miami with my Gram & Pop when I was 15 years old, but that's a whole other story.

However, perhaps in my lifetime (doubtful) the proposed transatlantic tunnel will become a reality. It's only 3,100 miles and equipped with a 5000 mph train, I could be sitting in a London pub in an hour. Hello....That's for me. I'll pack my scuba gear, just in case.

Even more intriquing is the proposed Bering Strait bridge. It's only 50 miles folks! Drive to Siberia. Think about it. I might do that too. I could meet all the HOG game creaters and tell them all the real names of stuff they might find in America.

Miss Universe Nudity

2010-08-23T17:28:00.000-04:00

The oddsmakers are favoring Miss Ireland to take it tonight. Wouldn't that be a refreshing change? As always, I will be watching and critiquing. I'm a terrific home judge and enjoy the process immensely.

But the big flap is over contestants being photographed having their bodies artfully airbrushed. Give me a friggin' break. Is a tit or two offensive? Especially an 18 to 23 year old tit.

Cloris Leachman had airbrushed body art done at age 70 and the photos were published in Vogue. There are body artists all over the country and many competitions featuring semi-nude female bodies of all ages. Their work can be awesome. The subject wears a thong gstring and the body is used as a canvas. I personally am planning to treat myself to a full body art airbrushing for my own 70th birthday. Anyone care to join me? Maybe we can get a group discount.

Bare Chested In Public, Yes or No

2010-08-15T20:04:00.000-04:00

Don't I wish

Even so, I'm pretty turned off by any man, even those with obvious assets parading around outside my motel with their bare chests ( & fat guts) hanging out. It just seems ignorant, classless and insensitive to other people's feelings.

Right now, one guy is sitting shirtless outside room #11. Is he going to deter drive in business from staying here? I have to say yes.

This weekend a middle aged father and his 20 something son actually took showers using the hose out in our front yard. For all to see, they shoved the hose down the front of their pants and then flushed their rears while massaging the sand out of their butts. Good thing I was no-vacancy at that point, because any normal folks driving by would just keep on going. I'm assuming, of course, that there are normal people out there.

It's hot as hell here & I understand that men are suffering with the heat. We women are suffering with the same heat, but my housekeeper & I don't walk around outside with our less than prime boobs hanging out. Give us a break guys. I vote NO.

Rules are Rules?

2010-08-12T22:10:00.000-04:00

I don't rent to locals. I don't want to deal with domestic disputes, drug deals or have the bank VP and his secretary stop by for a nooner. I flat out will not be that kind of place.

However...tonight a sweet local family with 2 school age children needed one of my rooms because they couldn't pay their electric bill and won't have the air turned back on until tomorrow afternoon. How could I say no? It's 100 degrees out there. Am I a sucker? We'll see.

Speaking of suckers, a few years ago, I had a housekeeper to whom I told that the only way I would rent a room to a local would be if their house burned down. I was out one day and the DH rented a room to a girl who told him her house burned down, her car died and she had no where else to go.

Turns out, she was my housekeepers sister in law, who knew exactly what to say. She trashed the room, & ripped out the window screen so she could blow her crack outside.

Is It Fall Yet?

2010-08-10T20:16:00.000-04:00

I noticed the difference as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. The quality of light seeping into my consciousness was purer somehow. When I went out to get the paper, there was a clarity to the air which I haven't seen in many months. Granted, it was subtle, but throughout the day my brain kept registering sharper images. Late this afternoon, while coming out of the laundry room, I was absolutely positive I saw fall. That's Fall with a capital F.

What's A Nose Anyway?

2010-07-30T16:28:00.000-04:00

Will I cut off my nose to spite my face? You're damn skippy I will if it's for a noble cause and the greater good.

Wanting to try a new pasta salad recipe, I cooked a pound of rotini last night so I wouldn't steam up my kitchen in the heat of the day. I put it in a covered plastic bowl in the very back of my fridge.

When I walked into the kitchen this morning there was a suspicious looking dirty dish lurking in the sink. Recognizing the dregs of olive oil and garlic sent me to the fridge to check on my pasta. The bowl I'd hidden in the very back was now up front and half empty. I was not happy, but thinking I'll just have to make a smaller batch, but when the OP I live with got up and I mentioned the missing pasta, he actually said "You should have put I sign on it." Well, something in me just snapped "I SHOULD HAVE PUT A SIGN ON IT!! A SIGN ON IT! I'LL SHOW YOU A SIGN, " I said with clenched teeth as I upended the remaining pasta into the dumpster.

Your Time Or My Time

2010-07-29T17:51:00.000-04:00

Dammit! I missed my red hat luncheon yesterday. You'd think that after over 8 !/2 years of living at the convergence of 2 time zones I'd have it figured out by now. I'm surrounded by central time. 6 miles to the west and 10 miles to the north. Eastern time only runs along the coast. At one time, a very influential company owned a paper mill here in PSJ and wanted it on the same time schedule as their corporate offices in Atlanta. What they wanted, they got. The paper mill is long gone, but those of us who live here still deal with the anomaly of two time zones.

The situation does have it's advantages. If I have a 1PM appt. with my hairdresser, I can leave here at 1:40 PM and be on time. If I'm going to PC, I can leave here at 10 AM and arrive there after an hour's drive at 10 AM.

This time, I guess I just had a brain fart. I won't admit that it could be age, but will consider that the ongoing heat has burned my brain matter into charbroil. The email from the Red Hat Queen Mum did say lunch at 12 in PC and my mind just didn't compute. I drove an hour to have lunch with friends and ended up eating Burger King by myself. PS. These girls don't linger, they eat and run.

Scary Kid

2010-07-25T18:22:00.000-04:00

From my desk I see 2 SUV's drive up to the office , each with Texas plates, 2 adults plus 2 children in each vehicle. The first one in the door is a boy around 10 yrs old, followed by a couple of adults, then the contents of the other vehicle. The kid slams the lobby door shut on the woman following him, but she pushes in anyway. She says nothing to the kid. I now have 4 adults and a couple of children crammed in my tiny lobby, with the 10 yr old boy right up front at the desk. I ask how many people and how many nights. They tell me 8 people, 1 night. The kid looks me dead in the eyes and says in utter seriousness, "I. Own. This. Place." The parents say nothing. As I stare him down, I'm thinking "holy crap" and instantly go from 4 vacant rooms to one. " Gosh folks, I'm so sorry, I only have one room left, maximum 4 people. I can't accommodate your group, but in which direction are you going, perhaps I can suggest another motel." I'm going to sic this scary kid and his bizarre family on another motel down the road. The further down the road the better.

To Profile Or Not To Profile

2010-07-23T17:22:00.000-04:00

Guest #1: This guy gave me the creeps right off the bat. I despise it when men walk into public places shirtless. This one came into the office not only shirtless, but with half a section of chain link fence hanging from his left nipple. Body piercing is a personal choice, but along with the bare chest, I don't need to see it. For 2 days, housekeeping couldn't get into his room because he never left it. As much as I hated to, I agreed to give him another room for a week starting Sunday evening. I couldn't think of a legitimate reason to refuse him. At check out today, he wouldn't get out of the room, so I went right in and started stripping beds. I finally shooed him out to sit in front & wait for his ride. He had no vehicle of his own. In his last minute packing he neglected to pick up the freshly rolled joint from the kitchen table. It smelled like good stuff, so I wasn't about to give it back to him. I took it in to the DH. Thinking this would be reason enough to refuse to honor his next reservation, the DH went out and confronted him. The guy actually said "That doesn't belong to me...what is it?" Again, no proof. What clinched it was the half smoked roach we found hidden under the alarm clock. While I have no objection to a little recreational smoke now and then, I do object to the damage caused by high, stupid guests. They have a tendency to burn stuff and the motel is underinsured.

Guest #2: This was a good looking young man in his 20's. He came in to inquire about prices and availability wearing some way cool shades and a Crocodile Dundee hat I'm sure he thought was way cool. While discussing rates, he felt compelled to tell me that he was wrapping up a real estate deal in the pacific northwest and that would free up some funds. He said this with a straight face. I hid my smile, since I heard, "I'm broke and need a cheap place to stay."

Guest #3: Reservation # 4386 showed up wearing full african regalia. The dashiki, the hats, the whole (equivilant of) enchilada (in swahili.) Very refined, very well spoken couple. This morning I get a call from the gentleman asking if he could make a long distance call from his room. When I said no, he launched into a long unnecessary story about how he bought a prepaid cell phone & it wasn't working. He was beginning to get frantic and begged to come to the office and pay me to make a long distance call from my phone because he had to check in with his parole officer.

Company's Coming

2010-07-12T19:41:00.000-04:00

I'm stressing out a tad because I love to provide at least one personally prepared meal when company comes to visit. On Wednesday, Danny Jr, wife Colleen and girls, Zaria and Keira will be arriving for a couple of days. The day they leave, daughter Danielle & family arrive. What I'm doing is planning meals for one family that will segue to the next family. I have 5 racks of babybacks, dry rubbed and ready to put on outside to slow cook. We can't cook in my tiny kitchen with heat like we've been experiencing and still be able to sit in there to eat. Way too hot.

I'll bake potatos at night for my "loaded baked potato salad." Double the recipe. My segue meal will be a fajita pasta salad. I'm elaborating on a couple of "mexican pasta salad" recipes I found with my own sliced steak addition.

I've been perfecting my mango cream cake for a couple of months now, so if I can find some good mangoes and can turn my oven on without roasting myself as well, I'll include it too.
If I cook one day, I feel comfortable ordering out or going out on the others. With careful planning I can really enjoy company during this very busy time of year.

While writing this, I got a call from a frequent guest who's coming in tomorrow night. He told me he's bringing me goodies from his garden and asked if he should include okra. I hesitated for a moment hoping I wouldn't hurt his feelings and then suggested he leave the okra at home. He laughed, so I guess we're still friends.

Rerant

2010-07-11T20:55:00.000-04:00

I know I've addressed this issue before, but it happened several times today. Why do absolute (note that I didn't say "perfect" strangers) strangers start a conversation by asking how I am? I don't want to discuss my well being with strangers, and it's none of their business anyway. In my more perverse moments I want to reply, "well my leprosy isn't quite as contagious as it was." The weird thing is, they expect me to ask how they are back. Trust me, unless your're a friend or a relative, I don't care.

This morning, one male caller compounded the issue by actually saying, "How are you, young lady." Young lady!!! Did I sound like I was 12 years old or was he being the insulting, condescending jerk I suspected he was. All he wanted to know was if I had a vacancy and how much it would cost. Jeez, that's not hard. Just say, "hello, do you have a room tonight and how much is it for 2 people?" My yankee directness and my aversion to bullshit just doesn't seem to fit in here in lower Alabama, oops the Florida panhandle.

bitchspeak

2010-07-06T18:03:00.000-04:00

This morning a woman guest came into the office for coffee, we chatted for a moment, and then she said, "By the way, the ceiling fan in my room isn't working. Would you get it fixed while we're out, because I'm claustrophobic and need the circulation or I can't sleep. If not, can you move us to another room? I'll check back with you later." After she assured me that her air conditioning unit was working well, I said we had no other rooms available, but would look into the fan issue. When we cleaned the room, I saw that someone had torn off the fan pull chain and that's not a quick fix, so I left her a note on my personal stationary saying, "Thank you for alerting us that a previous guest has broken the ceiling fan. We will be replacing the fan with a standard light fixture."

Now let me translate this entire conversation into bitchspeak. "Your rooms are so damn small, I can't breathe and if the fan isn't fixed we may want our money back for tonight." "Oh, yeah? well screw you."

Wishful Thinking

2010-06-28T20:37:00.000-04:00

In the last 45 minutes, I've had 6 mothers calling to try and reserve rooms for their deadbeat sons who got temp jobs training for oil spill clean up. This being July 4th weekend, I can only accommodate a few of them for a night or two. I feel for these parents and can picture them while talking with me, down on their knees praying. "Please let this job work out for this kid and let me get my life back.," I already have 2 men in their 30's in rooms which I had to charge to their parent's credit card. Is that pathetic? Only one of the mothers told me her son was under 21. The rest were men???

On that same note, one of our Red Hat ladies, 72 years old, trained for beach oil clean up. "Hey", she said, "the pay is $18 per hour and I work 1/2 hour on and 15 minutes off. I can do that!"

Looking A Gift Horse In The Mouth

2010-06-25T17:36:00.000-04:00

Some lovely guests checking in tonight brought me a whole bag of corn on the cob from Georgia.
That was such a nice thing for them to do. There's only one problem, it was frozen solid. Mortal sin!!!!! Sacrilege!!!!!!! Those of us from New Jersey know that corn must be eaten the same day as picked. I remember my uncle, Big Dan, driving all the way from Ventnor to Somers Point to get his farm fresh corn. We Garden Staters have been so spoiled and we won't settle for second best.

There's another guest who brings us steaks and ground beef from his own steers. He has a cattle ranch and butchers one steer a year for personal use. A lot of folks don't know that Florida is cattle country. A lot of prime beef is raised here and I'm grateful to Keith and Betty for being so generous to us. We had the T bones a few nights ago & they were awesome.

What Eats Rid X???

2010-06-16T17:00:00.000-04:00

There's a Rid X eating critter living in my laundry room. It actually cleaned out the area under the floor where the ramp connects the two sections of the laundry. Every morning there would be another pile of detritus next to the opening. Today it was a pretty small pile, so I guess nest cleaning is about done. This thing also drags a pretty good sized box of roach traps from the back of the laundry up toward the front. The box is riddled with bite marks. So whatever eats Rid X and is going after roach bait has some decent size sharp teeth.

But Who's Counting?

2010-06-15T16:49:00.000-04:00

It was 85 degrees at 8 AM when I started work outside this morning. It's almost 100 in the shade now. Shegundala had a prior commitment, so I had to fly solo today turning over 7 rooms and making up 2 stays. That tallied out to making 17 beds, schlepping dirty towels and linens to the laundry and schlepping the clean ones back to 9 rooms, loading, unloading and folding 8 loads of sheets and towels, sanitizing bathrooms, emptying trash, replacing amenities, mopping, vacuuming and surface cleaning 9 rooms. This old broad is hurtin'.

Copy Of Letter Sent Today

2010-06-11T21:29:00.000-04:00

On Dixie Belle letterhead, this letter was mailed out today.

Mr. (Ignorant Frickin' Jackass),

In reference to your stay here at the Dixie Belle Motel with your lady friend on Wednesday, June 9, consider this a bill for damages incurred.

You and your lady friend smoked in a non smoking room. The fee for violation of the smoking policy is clearly stated on a notice posted in the room.

We will overlook the fact that you disconnected the smoke alarm, putting the entire building and every guest in danger, and that you urinated in the bedding.

We will however, expect your payment of the stated fee of $250.00 for violation of the non smoking policy.

Sincerely,

Blah, Blah, Blah
Owner

We know we'll never see a dime. We just hope his wife opens the letter.

At Least I Got To Meet Marvin

2010-06-10T18:05:00.000-04:00

Had an early Dr. appt in Panama City, then did a litle shopping. At my Winn Dixie stop, I picked up a sandwich at the deli & was sitting in my car in the parking lot, reading a magazine when 2 little girls knocked on the passenger side window. I thought they might be selling girl scout cookies, so I lowered the window. " Your car is leaking gas," one said. "Yeah, said the other, a lot of gas." I semi-panicked since I was 30 miles from home. I threw my sandwich in the trash & floored it to the nearest gas station/convenience store. The 3 mile trip used up 1/8 tank of gas, so I knew I was in trouble.

As I pulled up to the gas pump, whoooosh....the remaining gas just poured out onto the ground. In ten seconds the tank was too dry to even turn the engine over. Since Verizon service is so bad, I've stopped carrying my cell phone and had to borrow one from a clerk at the convenience store. I called my AARP Motoring Plan. First they tried to get me to agree to a tow to a Pep Boys 9 miles west. I live 26 miles east. Apparently the Pep Boys would give me a 10 % discount as well as kick back to the Motor Club.

"Sorry kid, nice try, but you're going to have to find someone more gullible. I want to be towed to Lee's in Port St Joe, where I happen to live." Over an hour later Marvin from Spud Bubba Wrecking Service shows up. Marvin was a sweet guy. He talked the entire 26 mile trip to PSJ. I know what his last 2 electric bills were, where he likes to take a shower and that one of his 6 cats got sick with a stomach full of pus. Green pus.

Not As Dumb As They Look

2010-06-09T17:18:00.000-04:00

I have been outsmarted by a couple of oversized, overalled yahoos from the hills of Tennessee. Even though I'm certainly not a good loser, I have to give credit where credit is due.

Actually, there are four huge men, sharing a small room with 2 beds. Their luggage (a huge Rubbermaid tub for each man) is piled high. The first night of their stay they pulled the curtains off the windows, and messed up the bath towels. When they came to us asking to extend their stay by one night, we told them there was nothing available. Yep, liar, liar, pants on fire. I didn't feel one bit guilty though and the next day when they asked again, I looked the guy right in the eye & still denied having a vacancy available for them.

I've always thought my bullshitting skills were better than average, but he must have seen through me because....he had his wife call the office pretending to be a new customer, and booked a room for the extra night. He caught me in the laundry room early this morning & asked when they could move into their new room. I'f my teeth weren't all mine, I would have dropped them when he told me what they did. Checkmate!

One Girl Too Many

2010-06-03T19:42:00.000-04:00

It looks like this sonofabitch is finally going to get his comeuppance. So tragic that another young woman had to die first.

Natalee Holloway's mother is staying quiet for the moment. She's afraid to jinx the investigation and she's afraid to get her hopes up after spending years living with the knowledge that this lowlife was responsible for her daughter's disappearance.

My Domestic Side

2010-06-02T18:55:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. But, yes folks, I do have a domestic side and in my dotage have actually become a rather accomplished cook. I just watched an episode of Paula Deen, the queen of cream. She outdid herself with these two dishes.

She actually made a bread pudding with Krispy Kreme donuts as the base then had the temerity to top it off with a glaze made with a stick of butter, a pound of confectioners sugar and a generous helping of rum. I'm going to skip this one. The recipe that grabbed me was her fried biscuits. That's right, fried biscuits stuffed with honey butter. This I have to try.

You buy supermarket biscuit dough in a tube ala Pillsbury. Heat oil in a fry pan about an inch deep & fry those puppies up for a couple of minutes on each side. Now here's the kicker, as if frying biscuits isn't enough. Take one of those plastic ketchup dispensers with the cone top and fill it with soft honey butter. While still warm & crispy, jam that cone into the biscuit and fill the inside with honey butter. OMG I'm having palpitations just thinking about them. I'll follow up after I actually do this and taste them for myself. Just one, of course.

Now I have a laundry tip I'd like to pass on. The Dixie Belle prides itself on providing fluffy, soft, scented bath towels. I use Gain liquid fabric softener, but here's the secret. From a gallon container, pour off 8 to 10 ounces and save for later. Replace with the same amount of white vinegar. Shake it up to combine and use as normal. The white vinegar removes all traces of not so good odors and softens beautifully. The bonus is that you're stretching a rather expensive product, so you'll be saving money. Try it.

My eldest child DD Denise had her birthday on Memorial Day. I sure wish I had a photo to post (hint, hint) and I want to go on record as saying that giving birth to one of your best friends is a real gift. I love that beautiful woman.

Live & Let Live???

2010-05-29T18:03:00.003-04:00

The pretty photo is our creek and back yard at dusk last night. The less attractive pictures are of sea life some of my guests (2 parents and a 14 year old girl) murdered and left in the kitchen sink in their room. The oil spill must not be doing enough damage for these folks. I have no argument with people who scavange already dead flotsam and jetsam, but to take living creatures out of their environment to kill them is just wrong. Leaving them in the kitchen sink to die & stink just compounds the sin.

Most people don't envision sand dollars as living things because they only see them dried and bleached. This photo is of a dying sand dollar. The hermit crabs are already dead. How fun was it to take them out of their habitat and leave them to die? Then again, these people left a hair iron turned on and laying on the carpet when they left the room today. I'm guessing they left their thinking caps in....oh yes, Alabama.

The Circus Has Begun

2010-05-27T19:04:00.001-04:00

The Memorial Day Weekend kicks off our 10 room circus for the summer season. It started yesterday with a gaggle of geezers who checked in to 2 of our standard rooms. They showed up with an extra man, which tips me off that they're probably going to treat my motel as a fish camp. Turns out that I wasn't wrong in my first impression. " Hey, there's no kitchen in here," one of them yells, "how am I going to cook my chowder.?" (Note: they were too cheap to book a kitchen when the reservation was made.) # 1 moved the furniture around to accomodate an air mattress. They stacked their own toaster oven and coffee maker on top of my microwave, thereby compromising the fire safety, electrical capacity and insurance issues in that room. Their compadres in #4 put bags of dead fish in my little in-room fridge. I double bagged it and put it in a plastic container so the fish juice wouldn't leak out onto the carpet. That's happened too many times before and closing the room for 2 days in order to get rid of the fish stink costs us money.

I almost never go around to the fish cleaning station, because I can't take the stink of dead fish. This morning I did and was appalled and disgusted at what I found. My DH, who is supposed to take care of that area apparently hadn't cleaned it in weeks. I had to dispose of fermenting fish rags, empty a large can of ,(jeez, I'm not sure how to describe this without barfing) fish garbage? I hosed off all the surfaces and cans, sprayed with bleach, put ODOBAN in each can and added a bug candle and a supply of clean rags.

Also ran to the Pig (our little supermarket) because I had to stock up for the weekend before the holiday crowds clogged the aisles. Needed to lock up the office because the DH was still in bed. I was going to make potato salad today and this evening I put the potatos on to boil then totally forgot them when I had to run out to make up #8. My potato salad has turned into mashies.
The boys in #8 forgot to check out this morning. Their room was booked for tonight, but they didn't leave this morning. They were workers and after calling their supervisor found out that they thought they had to leave tomorrow. I'll admit to freaking out on the lady, but it worked, because at 6PM they returned and cleaned out their stuff. I ran out there praying that I could turn the room over before my reserved guests arrived. As luck would have it, 15 minutes after I finished, they showed. Thank you jeezus........... The circus has begun. All 10 rings.

Are You Questioning My Integrity???

2010-05-23T18:43:00.000-04:00

I just had a call from a woman looking for Memorial Weekend reservations. We are essentially booked, but the bookings are staggered so there are a few holes. She wanted Fri, Sat , Sun & I only have Sat, Sun, Mon available and only in two rooms. When I quoted her the price, she claimed my website was misleading and the rates quoted there were lower. If she had read further, under "Policies" I state, "Call for Memorial Day and July 4th Holiday prices." Anyway, she tells me she intends to check out other places. I thank her for calling.

Not surprising, 20 minutes later she calls and tells me," I can't find anything else so I guess I'll take what you've got." "Sorry," I say, "I don't think you'd be happy here." "What do you mean?" she asks. "You questioned my integrity and I just don't think this is the place for you, but thank you so much for considering the Dixie Belle," I reply. I feel so good.

I Guess You Had to Be There

2010-05-17T20:56:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a big fan of beauty pageants and will be one of the first to defend them and the integrity involved in selection of the winners.

Last night, after watching the Miss USA pageant, I had serious doubts.

The winner is a pretty girl, but by far, not the prettiest. She has a bizarre, annoying personality and is so bow-legged she walks like Popeye.

When the entire 51 were introduced, I was amazed that there were only 3 semi dogs in the group. They were New Hampshire (no surprise there), New Jersey (from Atco no less) and Miss Virginia (who made it to the top 5.)

OK, the top 15 were announced. For the most part, a good group, but a few oddballs, like Virginia. I was thrilled to see Maine in there. I'm very partial to the typically homely New England girls and Maine was a classy beauty. I was blown away by the exquisite face of Miss Colorado. She, however, seemed young and inexperienced, plus she didn't carry off swimsuit. Too pale and not as buff as some of the others. If she ever gets motivated, look out. With that face and more pageant experience, she will dominate. I can't remember everyone, but my top 5 did not include Michigan or Virginia. Michigan tripped in her evening gown and my guess is because of the bowed legs, she tripped over her own feet.

Of the top 5, Miss Oklahoma was outstanding is all respects. Perhaps what nixed her was her not so politically correct support of state's rights, i.e. Arizona's new immigration law.

I can't get over the feeling that Mr. Trump, owner of the franchise influenced this one. Take his judges panel for instance. Paula Deen, the ultimate people pleaser: Melania Trump, the wife: a former Miss USA, on the payroll: some guy who's only claim to fame was his introduction as Mr. Trump's dear friend: an olympic ice skater, the requisite hispanic male and black athelete and one seemingly real deal, an editor at Glamour mag.

I'm a good loser, but this finish had a stink to it. But then again, maybe you had to be there.

Enough Said

2010-05-17T12:01:00.002-04:00

    NO PETS
        NO SMOKING
        NO INCONTINENT
              OLD MEN

I Don't Do Dead Fish

2010-05-13T17:13:00.000-04:00

This is the-well used fish cleaning station at the Dixie Belle Motel. This time of year, the fishing is great and every day the buckets have been full of stinking fish guts. Now the job of disposing of said stinking fish guts falls to the DH, because the whole fish cleaning station was his idea and as stated above, I don't do dead fish.

As the DH is currently in Pennsylvania, to his credit, he did arrange for a friend to stop by and take care of the dreaded empty the stinking fish guts task. I saw said friend this morning in the parking lot and he assured me that the fish cleaning station was AOK. I thanked him profusely for his help and off he goes.

It's not my habit to do so, but I decided to go back there and give the whole stinking thing a girly clorox cleaning. I changed to my worst work clothes and put my feet into a pair of wellies, so I wouldn't get any dead fish juice on my person, or if I did I would be wearing something disposable.

To my dismay, I found two large stinking buckets full of large stinking fish guts. The buckets were so heavy, I couldn't even pick them up. Why did I thank the "helpful" friend? Apparently, he just took a look around and did nothing. Anyway, I decided to spray everything down with clorox and just leave the stinking buckets for the DH when he returns. Ooh boy, I'm thinking. They'll be pretty darn ripe by then, but I really didn't have much choice.

Just as I finshed hosing down & bleaching up, 4 fishermen who checked out this morning returned with yet another load of dead fish to clean. While they were back there making more buckets of stinking guts, I had to come up with a plan.

My first decision was whether to play my "woe is me" martyr role or my "helpless female" role. To help me decide, I went back to where the "boys" (my age and better) were making their newest stinking mess and kindly asked themm in my sweetest Scarlett O"Hara manner, to only fill the buckets half way so they'd be light enough for me to pick up and tote to the creek for disposal, all the while having no intention of doing so. I was just throwing out my line to see what I'd reel in. I pushed the wheelbarrow over to them and left it there.

As I was making beds in the room the boys had occupied, the one gentleman in the crowd came in to ask if I wanted him to dump the buckets and where to dump them. "Oh Bill, if you would do that for me, I would be eternally grateful," I cooed.

He came back to tell me he not only dumped the stinking fish guts, but washed out the buckets and the wheelbarrow. "Oh, Bill you are my hero," I gushed. He didn't exactally say "Aw shucks, ma'am," but almost as good. He told me I treated them well, they had a good time, they made a mess in their room and I didn't complain...much.

No Phone Zone

2010-04-30T19:53:00.000-04:00

Oprah is sponsoring a No Phone Zone campaign. The pledge she is asking people to sign has them promise that they will not talk on their their cell phones or text while driving a vehicle. I completely agree with her impetus, however, why is is necessary? I have known for years that doing anything like reading the newspaper, putting on makeup, shaving, eating and yes, using a phone while driving a car is moronic, suicidal and homicidal. I know that there is a group of us superior human beings who don't need to be reminded about things that are basic common sense. One thing I know for sure is that our group isn't big enough. Join my group of Superior Human Beings.

Who's The Birdbrain Here ?

2010-04-26T17:49:00.001-04:00

I got this little moron for the DH on our anniversary a month ago. His name is Admiral, as in Byrd. If he has any positive attributes ( Admiral, not the DH) they are well hidden. The little (insert expletive here) has been sitting in one corner of this luxurious and entertaining cage we furnished with every bird toy known to man & bird. He just sits in his corner & shits.
What's up with that? I have had several parakeets in the past and they were very social cuties. This guy is (insert politically correct term meaning retarded) here.

Spring Break Break

2010-04-16T20:20:00.000-04:00

There's short break between spring break and summer slam. Even though we don't allow guests under 21, we do get lots of families and that means women and children. The truth is that women and children are much harder on my rooms than my winter fishermen and workers. The first two photos are of a room occupied by 2 parents with one 9 yr old boy, the second photo is of one of my lovely, soft fluffy bath towels which I was told was used to wipe down a boat. It was dark, they told me. We couldn't see that your towel was getting soiled. They ended up paying $10 for a boat rag.

Lunch On The Beach

2010-04-15T20:45:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was just such perfect weather, that The Ho & I had lunch at Toucan's in Mexico Beach. Yeah, it's touristy, but you can't beat the location on a beautiful day. We even spotted a school of dolphin as we were leaving. Dolphin sightings are good luck, so it was a great ending to a lovely girlfriend visit.

Those Wascally Wabbits

2010-04-03T16:23:00.000-04:00

The DH took a reservation for 2 people under the age of 21, even though we have a strict 21 & older policy. Apparently, the kid convinced him that he was military and visiting his mother in PSJ. In actuality, it was just two horny teenagers on spring break.

I'm happy to report however that I know for sure that they practiced safe sex. My lovely assistant Shegundala* (see note), saw by the disposable plastic liner, the ice bucket had been used, so she opened it to place a new liner inside and what she found was large stash of brand new foil wrapped condoms. That's a first for us, although we have found some very strange things lurking in the ice buckets. Note to all: always use the disposable plastic liner.

*Note: I have all this trivia rattling around in my head. Many, many years ago Dom Deluise did an act on variety TV where he was a magician and Ruth Buzzy in her very first TV appearances was his "lovely assistant Shegundala."

Shout Out to my Painters!

2010-04-02T17:49:00.000-04:00

For the first time in probably over 30 years, the Dixie Belle has a burst of color and I want to thank my dears- Danielle, Ike, Courtney and Dustin for spending a whole day of their spring break helping me with this ambitious project. I actually took photos of the work crew & wanted to show them here, but by some mysterious happenstance, the damn things disappeared off my camera card. I swear, I wasn't even drinking.

Anyhoo, they helped paint the doors, trim, planters and posts. Without them,doing that work would have taken me weeks.

Thanks again you guys. You're the best and the Dixie Belle has never looked better.

Who's Afraid Of Color

2010-03-20T16:55:00.000-04:00

Not me! I said in a previous post that I was going to paint the bench in front of the office. Well, the front porch needed a punch of personality & there's no better way to do that than with color.

The guy at the hardware store, when he saw the chip I chose, and after he mixed the paint was afraid to open the can. Coward.

DH was making ugly faces when he saw it in the can. Hey, ya'll, grow a pair. It's paint for god's sake. If you don't trust me, well then, repaint. No big deal. I however, have a good eye and was confident the end result would be fantastic. Almost broke my arm, patting myself on the back.

I bought a gallon and have a great idea for relieving the boredom on the front of the motel itself. Can't wait to see what I'm going to do next. Paint is even better than chocolate for instant gratification. Less calories too.

Shamrock Shrine

2010-03-17T16:12:00.000-04:00

In honor of my great grands, Mary Flynn, Mary Flanagan and Patrick Bilbow I created a little shamrock shrine for the front desk.

I'm cooking corned beef and cabbage and wearin' the green.

Happy St Patrick's Day

Phloi/Floyd

2010-03-16T20:14:00.000-04:00

Remember my bassett hounds? Betty & Chloe........gone. Remember my beautiful kitty? Violet......suicide (still angry with her.) Remember my betta fish, Wally & Wally Jr....lived long and prospered.

Look at my gorgeous new betta. His name is officially Phloi, which means "beautiful gem" in his culture. I have americanized it to Floyd. He's going to live on my desk so we can chat every day and I can enjoy his beauty. When I picked him out today, he was flapping his gills in excitement.

I wanted to take them all home. Even the sad, the scrawny, the lethargic. I may open a betta rescue. They suffer in those tiny pet shop aquatic prisons. Liberate the bettas! Even if I had a house full, I wouldn't have pet hair, pet stink, discipline problems, need a fish door or a big fenced yard.

They love unconditionally. Yes they do. I can tell. I will change the motel website to say we are pet friendly. All fish in bowls are welcome.

Just Blow Drying The Refrigerator

2010-03-12T17:34:00.000-05:00

Let me preface this tale by saying that in my prenup it clearly states: wife does not defrost. That said, we have this old refrigerator in the office strictly to store soft drinks and bottled water for our guests. There was a door on the freezer compartment which I found this morning lying on top of the refrigerator. When I questioned DH about this, his comment was, "Oh, I couldn't close the refrigerator door, so I took the freezer door off."

My guess is that the frost has been building up for several years and it will probably take several weeks to go away. Curious as to what frozen horrors (like "The Thing", remember The Thing with James Arness? Scariest movie I ever saw as a child.) might be lurking up there, I got my blow dryer & was making good headway when a customer snuck in the door behind me and asked what in the world was I doing?

Hey.... pretty obvious pal, was what I could have said, but instead smiled sweetly ( for me) and explained my prenup. He was amused.... I'm still blow drying.

Not Quite The Family Jewels

2010-03-11T21:45:00.000-05:00

I have entirely too much costume jewelry & no reason to wear it. I don't go anywhere. OK, I hit the dollar store a couple of times a week, but rarely feel the need to dazzle the clerks with my bling. Some of this stuff has been hanging around since the '80's. Rather than save it for some future yard sale, I put a collection of 10 pairs of retro clip-on earrings on EBay today. I love EBay.

I set the opening bid at $5 with no reserve. My expenses are covered and the stuff really has no value to me so it'll be fun to watch what happens.

Spring? Spruce Up

2010-03-06T14:00:00.000-05:00

OK, whatever changes these folks are making to the blog format, I'm not liking it. I've lost control here.

Anyway, with the chill in the air outside, I've been cleaning & painting on the inside. I started with the lobby where I repainted and added some eye candy to the front desk, decluttered and rearranged. It's good feng shui to mix things up every now and again. Refreshes the chi. Lord knows, I could use my chi refreshed.

Then I moved on to my office/sitting room/library/den/bar. What is green now was previously unfinished plywood. Much cleaner looking. I bought the tulips for $5 and wish I'd gotten a few more. So springy!

Now the park bench out front is a bone of contention between DH & myself. He feels the rusted frame and unfinished worn wood add character. I say, NOT. Actually his opinion on these matters really don't carry much weight with me, so one day soon when he has to go to PC for a few hours, I'll repaint it. After all, he can't unpaint it, right?

He Wanted His Mommy

2010-02-24T18:18:00.000-05:00

He arrived in a pick up truck with a big honkin' Harley in the bed. For several days, he leathered up & took that ole Harley out on the road. One day, he tells me he's feeling a little punky. By the following day, this tough motorcycle dude was whining like a baby. He never felt so sick in his entire life. "Darn, you must have a bug." I said. "You need to sleep it off & sweat it out."

For days, every time he heard me or housekeeper K, he would drag himself out of bed to follow us around so he could describe every miserable symptom he was experiencing. Now my kids can attest to the fact that I'm not exactly the sympathetic type and neither is K, so he was singing to the wrong choir.

A huge concern of his was that his Canadian vacation medical insurance would run out before he could get medical attention. He actually wanted me to drive him to an emergency room. #1, he didn't need an emergency room, #2, I wasn't letting anyone that infectious get in my car or that close to my own currently healthy personage.

On the day his insurance was due to run out, he called his insurance company & was assured that he was covered. "I need to go to the emergency room & can't drive," he tells me. "Can you call me a cab or an ambulance?" OMG, I'm thinking, but I do try for a cab. No luck. "If I take an ambulance, my insurance company will pay me back," he whines. Well, I've been losing patience for a few days now & tell the dude that he would surely be embarassed if he went to the ER by ambulance. "It's less than a 1/2 hour." I say. "Trust me, you can drive it. Just suck it up & do it."

"What should I do with my stuff in the room in case they keep me," he croaks. "You'll be back," I assure him. He made me call the emergency room to let them know he was coming. They were as thrilled as I was. After he left, I must admit, I had a second or two of doubt. Wow, I'm thinking, if this guy is seriously sick, won't I look like a heartless bitch?

His truck was back in front of his room 4 1/2 hours later, so I was vindicated. This morning before he left, he cornered me in the laundry room to whine about his insurance running out before his trip home. "No problem," I say. " You've got your antibiotics & will be fine."

He actually said to me, "What if I have an accident on the way home?" Mommmmmy.................

Got 'Em

2010-02-16T12:01:00.004-05:00

I keep forgetting to upload the photos in the opposite order, so they're from ending to beginning.

1. Our hog trappers card, in case you need him, 2. the empty cage right on the property line between us and the neighbors, 3. a momma hog (mean and mad) 4. two baby hogs (just as mean as mom.) Whoever said all babies are cute never saw these nasty little sons of guns.

We're all hoping we never run in to daddy hog 'cause he'd probably rip our throat out while we stand frozen in fear. These things are scary.

Lions & Tigers & Pigs

2010-02-12T16:57:00.002-05:00

The cats who live next door have pretty much taken care of the rats and mice, snakes and gators are taking their winter break, we haven't seen the bobcat in months and even the ubiquitous florida palmetto bugs are pretty scarce this time of year.

Apparently, so we don't get too critter complacent we have now been invaded by a family, herd, gaggle or flock of wild pigs. Our neighbors yard, our back yard and especially the area around the fish cleaning station has been completely uprooted by feral pigs.

I just read that in 2005 there were more than 500,000 wild pigs in Florida. Hunting them is legal and even school children have chaperoned, organized pig hunts. Of course all Florida children carry shotguns. What fun. "Hey Maw, I just kilt supper."

I have a shotgun too, but we're going a more civilized route. Doesn't that take all the fun out of it? Our neighbor is the assistant greens keeper at the local golf course and he is contacting his pig trapper, no joke, his pig trapper to come here. We pay his expenses and he gets to keep what he traps. He then butchers the creatures and distributes the meat to the poor. Sounds like a win-win situation
Snort-snort.

You're Stoopid

2010-02-10T21:39:00.005-05:00

Did you just call me stoopid? Yes I did. You're stupid. OK, not my best. Here I am, faced with a young moron. Oh yeah, a drunk young moron apparently one of the workers staying in room # 11.

This kid called the office 3 times asking for my caller ID of the phone # for the call that just came through to his room. 3 times I told him that no calls have come through the office to his room.

A short while later he shows up in the office. "Why are you keeping this number from me?" he yells through the metal piercings in his face. Okey dokey, now he's crying. "My child is sick and you won't tell me who's calling my room!." I looked him in his wandering eyes and told him once again that no calls have come through my office in the last 2 hours.

When he insisted that I was keeping his calls from him I said, "Man, are you stupid or what!." "Are you calling me stupid?" he screams. "Yeah, stupid." I reply Do I have a command of the english language? As soon as my emotions get involved, I get stoopid.

He then threatened me with leaving this crappy motel and taking his business elsewhere. Like he's paying.

He goes back to his room & then starts calling the office again. I answer 3 times, take his drunken abuse, then just stop answering the phone. He keeps ringing, so I call the VFW and ask the DH if he's sober enough to come home & help me out. It's either him or the cops & I'm not sure I want the cops involved at this point.

DH shows up and a drunken dialog between the two ensues. The kid now claims that his wife is pregnant and expecting her mutant at any minute and we're blocking calls to his room. I'm standing outside the room with my cell ready to call 911 at any time when all of a sudden we all hear a phone ring inside room #11. It was the kid's cell. His wife or whatever was calling & wanted to know why he hadn't been answering his phone.

To Cruise Or Not To Cruise

2010-02-10T16:59:00.004-05:00

The Ho & I had our monthly therapy session today and over lunch she described the cruise to Mexico she & her DH took last week. It was her first ever ocean cruise. I was fascinated, never having cruised myself. Fear of sea and air travel plus the claustrophobia & nausea involved, makes me a "rubber meets the road" kind of girl.

The Ho & her DH went on a Carnival cruise to Mexico with a group from our local VFW. She has been all over the world with the military but can't swim and has never cruised. I had offered her my barf bracelets, but she demurred, preferring to tough it out. Turns out the girl has sea legs & never had more than a slight queasiness even in rough weather. I couldn't wait to hear every detail. Aren't we all fascinated by the things we're most afraid of?

Being a newbie cruisewise, her ho'ness wasn't totally up on the dress "code" & one evening her clothing choice was subjected to a rude remark by a cruise mate, female of course. I would have decked the b***h, but The Ho having more class than I do, totally ignored the remark and went on to have a terrific evening.

All in all, she felt is was a fun experience, but would make different choices next time. We talked about taking a cruise together sometime in the future. I also have a group of high school friends who cruise together frequently. I envy the fun to be had and have resolved to do more research on cruising and reexamine my feelings and fears.

A Crapper In The House??

2010-02-01T17:46:00.002-05:00

My friend and neighbor had a septic tank pump problem today resulting in the smell of human waste wafting through my home for an hour or two. I found DH outside watching the work crew & questioned his standing over the hole when sitting in our kitchen would have provided him with the same olefactory ambience.

Those of you who have city sewage service can never even imagine what those of us with septic tanks deal with.

In the early to mid 20th century in rural areas as well as many American cities, outhouses were the norm. Now, I'm a hugh fan of indoor plumbing, but I have read that many folks fought what we today regard as progress. "I don't want a crapper in the house," was heard by many who felt one would bring germs and unwanted critters into the house as well as create privacy issues.

Personally, I'll put up with the septic tank issues rather than have my "crapper" outside. Besides, there isn't even a Sears catalog anymore.

A Keeper

2010-01-27T19:33:00.003-05:00

I just devoured this book in less than a day. Jeanette Walls wrote this novel based on the family stories of her grandmother Lily Casey Smith.

Ms. Walls says she has to call it a novel because she wanted to tell the story in the first person. According to the author, "Lily Casey Smith was a very real woman, and to say that I created her or the events of her life is giving me more credit than I'm due. However, since I don't have the words from Lily herself, and since I have also drawn on my imagination to fill in details that are hazy or missing-and I've changed a few names to protect people's privacy- the only honest thing to do is call the book a novel."

To me Lily Casey Smith joins my heroine, Marjorie Kinnon Rawlings as the kind of woman I wish I was. She was assertive, smart, gutsy, adventurous, resourceful, had the courage of her convictions, had vision, lived outside the expected parameters of her day, and savored or survived the moment while taking control of her own future. I know there were and are many more women like her out there & I wish more people wrote their stories for me to savor.

In the meantime, this book joins my copy of Cross Creek to be read over and over again. The major difference between the two books is that Cross Creek is a memoir, and because of that more personal and introspective, where Half Broke Horses is a whirlwind of adventure. I kept thinking what a great movie it would make, but there's just too much good stuff to fit into a 90 minute film.

Read it instead. Family photos help give the book a visual a movie might distort. My grandaughters can count on getting their own copies of this book from me. They may not agree with Lily on every issue, but this was a woman to learn from and admire and in many ways aspire to. Definitely a keeper.

New Do

2010-01-21T18:10:00.002-05:00

After being sick for so long, I needed a complete overhaul. Today, I went to Rose, my local magician & now have a new do. Went a tad darker and with the new cut, just let it dry naturally.

I've been so overdoing the pony tail. It's time to give it a rest. I'll probably make it until the weather turns hot again, then I'll need to get the hair off my face & neck again.

Golden Globes

2010-01-18T16:18:00.009-05:00

More about these two later.

I'll admit it, I'm a fan of awards shows & the Golden Globes is one of my favorites because it's more informal in nature than most and there's booze involved. I think Julia Roberts got an early start.

Most of the winners were actors I admire even if I hadn't seen the nominated roles. Love Sandra Bullock (but then again, who doesn't,) Kevin Bacon, John Lithgow, Meryl of course and one of my favorite hotties, Jeff Bridges. I was rooting for Jane Lynch from Glee even though I've never seen the show. She plays Charlie Harper's shrink on "Two and A Half Men" and cracks me up every time.

Best movie winner Avatar just should never have happened. There should be a separate category for computer generated movies. It's not quite fully animated, but neither does it rely on straight story line, direction and acting like the other 4 nominees. It was a clear case of apples and oranges.

The only one of the five films I've see is "Up in the Air." It was good. Not outstanding, good. The female actresses almost stole the show. I was curious about Vera Farmiga. She's not a young girl & I wondered why I had never seen her work before this. So I googled her & came up with a movie about the Boston irish mafia called "The Departed." I wanted to see her in something else, so I rented it.

Dan & I watched it together, just so you know it isn't just me. We were both very confused during the first half hour because we couldn't figure out how a cop could work both undercover and overtly at the same time. Duh......it was two different guys. Are we the only ones who didn't notice this. That's their photos up top. And I like Leo DiCaprio! Anyway, it was a damn good movie and I enjoyed watching a younger Vera Farmiga.

Here's my two cents on the fashions. Sofia Vergara and Julie Bowen from Modern Family were perfectly glam followed closely by Toni Collette and Olivia Wilde. On the other hand, Drew Barrymore was being crawled on by giant caterpillers, Tina Fey slummed in a consignment shop frock and my BFF Cher was channeling Morticia.

A Pea Soup Kind Of Day

2010-01-16T17:43:00.003-05:00

It's warmer here, but raining. I'm reading "Snow Falling On Cedars," an award winning book I should have gotten to years ago, but thoroughly enjoying now. The locale in the book is the pacific northwest and during a heavy snowstorm, one of the characters goes to take some supplies to his mother and when he arrives she's making a pot of bean soup.

Well right away, I remembered my meaty ham bone left over from Christmas dinner. The lady in the book added a couple of small turnips to her soup, so I said "what the hell," & threw in a couple of turnips with the other veggies. I chose split pea instead of bean because it's DH's favorite. I'm nice to him every now & then. Not too often. I need to keep him on his toes.

In all modesty, it's a thing of beauty. Especially percolating away in my new Christmas present Rachal Ray stock pot.

Incommunicado

2010-01-13T17:56:00.002-05:00

It's been 9 days since I took to my bed with fever & most of all chills. Under the covers in a sweatsuit & still couldn't get warm.

It started slowly. For a few days prior I was tired and achy, then, wham, I felt like I was hit by one of those log hauling trucks that barrel down my road every day.

By the 4th day, I managed to call my local Doc. I just asked if I could send in a urine sample for testing to see if I had an infection. No, no, of course not. Unless I could drag myself down to his office, how the hell was he going to bill Medicare. Gotta rack up those billable hours you know.

I was smelling like 3 day old road kill, so had to shower, dress & drive myself to his office. Once there, guess what? I was told to pee in a cup. Surprise. This Doc is a know-it-all control freak with a lack of respect for women in general so he yelled at me for waiting so long and threatened me with hospitalization for what he termed a "massive" infection. When I showed proper contrition, he admitted that I could be treated with oral antibiotics and sent me home with a prescription and an appointment for 3 days hence.

After another 3 days shivering under the covers dressed in my hoodie and sweats, back to the office I drive, pee in a cup again, find out that the infection is not responding. Let's bill medicare for another visit and go home with a new prescription.

Today is day 9 and I've been up for a couple of hours twice now. I'm still not feeling a good as I should by now. But at least my brain's working enough for me to let everyone know why I've been so quiet for the last couple of weeks.

Condo Christmas

2009-12-30T12:29:00.003-05:00

The gray, cold, windy beach and surf outside our view filled condo made a perfect cozy retreat for a fun family Christmas. We couldn't get all four kids' families to join us, but we had a very special time with the St. Augustine contingent.

We laughed our butts off watching what could only be visiting Canadians building sand castles and frolicking in the frigid surf. It was 45 degrees out! And windy! The middle picture above shows a warmly dressed mother making 5 bathing suit clad children pose for a photo op. Brrr.

We, by we I mean I, were positive that Panama City Beach would be partying on Christmas eve. Au Contraire. After calling almost every restaurant in the yellow pages and having no luck, we finally found Dirty Dick's Crab House open for dinner. Turns out the food was better than good and our service very attentive. We had a terrific time there & will go back at some future date.

Christmas day we pretty much vegged. I did an oven ready ham dinner and between me & DD Danielle,we had desserts out the wazoo to choose from.

The following day was movie day. Pier Park has a new 16 theater multiplex with comfy stadium seating. We were divided on what to see, but that was no problem. We just split up between Robert Downey, Jr in Sherlock Holmes and George Clooney in Up In The Air. It was the first movie in an actual theater that DH & I had seen since Christmas 2008. We don't get out much.

But...plans are already underway for next year. We're thinking we'd like to try Savannah again. We were there several years ago and just loved it.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and it's also a rare blue moon, which I take to be very auspicious. So when I wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year, I truly believe it will happen.

Happy New Year!

Redneck Christmas Parade

2009-12-20T17:35:00.002-05:00

Dang! I'm sorry I missed this one, so here below reprinted without permission is the descriptive article by Tony Simmons, On Line Editor of the Panama City News Herald.

It was just about the perfect way to complete a Christmas season vacation, and considering we missed the Panama City Jaycees parade for the first time in a decade, I was glad to be there for the annual Chumuckla Redneck Christmas Parade.

These photos (note from Michele: I only printed one), don't even do the event justice. Thousands showed up and lined County Road 192 in Santa Rosa County on Sunday, and the rain held off long enough for the hour-long procession and then some. The participants included tractors, mud-covered pickups, trailers, floats, boats, stock cars, horses, buggies, 18-wheelers, and more.

They threw Mardi Gras beads, Twinkies, packs of crackers, Slim Jims, Skoal cans, chicken feed, pecans wrappen in aluminum foil, and other things-including actual candy. One float passed with a barbecue grill going, and a woman tossed chicken hot off the grill into the crowd.

Men carried spit cups. They played musical instruments made of bed pans. They wore wigs, bad "teeth," and camouflage-lots and lots of camo. One float had a tent marked "redneck resort." A couple featured tree stands, and a couple of others featured Santas in camo sitting on old toilets instead of "thrones." There was a fake outhouse on one float, and an actual port-a-potty on another.

Decor included garland made of beer cans, a Rudolph strung up for harvesting (complete with red streamers coming from it's belly), misspelled signs, granny panties with the words "naughty" or "nice" written on them. Children wore antlers on ropes around their necks.

I hope you can see the humor in all of this. Everyone had a great time, laughing at themselves and the cultural stereotypes and no doubt thumbing their noses at anyone who just isn't in on the joke.

Michele again: I would never approve of mocking the true meaning of Christmas, but Rudolph is fair game...get it...fair game.

Too Cold for a Christmas Parade?

2009-12-19T17:52:00.004-05:00

I was watching an "Alabama" Christmas music special this evening and saw that a Jaycee Christmas parade was coming on the same station right after the concert.

I love community parades. There's nothing more american, endearing or amusing. Besides, I 'm a past president of a Jaycee-ette chapter myself, so I'm gonna watch this. Since there was no mention of the location of the parade, I thought it might be out of Nashville. But it turns out this parade is actually in Panama City tonight.

I tuned in to hear two local TV "personalities" doing the commentary and the first thing I hear is "Oh, this must be the coldest night in the parade's 52 year history." They're whining, "It's 44 degrees out here & we're freezing." I went outside to double check. OK, it's 44 degrees, no wind, balmy, beautiful. As a matter of fact, there's a gorgeous crescent moon in a clear sky. Maybe just a tad warm for the Christmas season, but then again, you never know what you're gonna get in December in Florida.

Wow, these TV "personalities" are telling me how lucky I am to be watching the parade from the comfort of my home. Let's send them to NYC to sit through the Macys Christmas parade or how about the Mummers parade on New Year's Day in Philly. Jeez, what a couple of wusses.

As I finish this up, a guest who just checked into #6 came to ask me how to turn on the heat. Is everyone nuts around here? This is great sleeping weather. Open the windows!

Southwest to PC

2009-12-17T08:38:00.003-05:00

This is big news for this area. Southwest Airlines is going to begin nonstop flights at reasonable rates from Panama City to Baltimore-Washington, Houston, Nashville and Orlando. Service begins May 2010. This surely means more tourism, more business and more economic growth for the Florida panhandle. Bring it on!

We've been pretty busy around here the last couple of days and that's a good thing for December. It's mostly been workers, but I had a couple of my regular fishermen in room #8. Bill H and Bill B are good customers both around my age. They're friendly guys who come to Port St Joe fishing several times a year.

Well, here I am sitting in the office last night & on my security camera, I see Bill H hauling the microwave from his room into the lobby area. "Hey Michele, can you show a guy how to work this thing," he says. I suggest that we take it back to his room and plug it in so I can see what buttons he's managed to push to screw the thing up in the first place.

We approach the door to #8 and Bill H says, "Go on in, it's OK." I open the door and here's Bill B bent over the bed wearing nothing but his tightie whities. Now, I'm not fazed by this, but poor Bill B grabs his pants and dashes into the bathroom, while I get the microwave working again.

I don't know which Bill was more embarrassed, the one who carted his microwave to the office or the one caught in his skivvies, but the whole thing gave me a chuckle. Can't wait 'til your next visit guys.

Cristmas Wrapped Up

2009-12-15T11:11:00.002-05:00

All the wrapping is done, out of state gifts mailed, on their way and today I'm delivering our veteran's bag of goodies.

Every year we adopt a disabled vet and do our best to fill his Chistmas wish list. We are told the first name, last initial and branch of service. Ours has been navy for the last several years & I must admit that buying navy blue hoodies and Old Spice was getting a little boring.

This year, our guy is Danny H., navy. Yes, he wanted his navy blue hoodie, but forgot to put down his size and in my mind's eye I saw Danny H. as a wiry little guy. However, one never knows, so we went with an xtra large hoodie. Then things got more interesting. He asked for action films on DVD & I found a couple of good ones. His request for dark chocolate and Folger's hazelnut coffee added a little dimension to his personality and were easy to find.

The final item on his list just ain't gonna happen. Sorry sailor, I don't buy cigarettes for anyone.

Merry Christmas and today is a great day to quit smoking.

Quick Hop to St Augustine

2009-12-14T09:36:00.004-05:00

DS Nick and lovely family were passing through St. Augustine for just a day and since I haven't seen them in a year, I made the quick hop, if you can call 5 1/2 hours in the pouring rain a quick hop, over there for a little visit.

Of course that entailed a "quick hop" back again the next morning. This time 5 1/2 hours in dense fog. Totally worth it though. We had a great visit before the Vitola clan packed up & headed back to NJ.

I generally find driving long distances very relaxing. The rain & fog just served to keep me awake. No auto pilot this time.

I took along an audio book as I usually do. For 3 hours on the trip over, dead bodies kept turning up. In the closet, behind the bed, in the trunk of a car. And on the return trip, the bodies kept coming and although eventually the murders were solved, I don't think I'll nominate this one for a Nobel prize in literature. Good thing I drive an old car. By mistake, I bought cassettes instead of CDs.

When I wasn't listening to the book, I amused myself by cursing out the other drivers on the road who must all have been on leave from the nursing home. No offense intended. Yeah, right.

More Manatee

2009-12-07T17:03:00.003-05:00

Here's one of the boats belonging to the manatee wranglers. Oh, that's their van also. Before the evening was over, we had 11 federal and state employees, two boats, the van and 5 other vehicles all here to rescue one manatee.

Since these folks operate on our tax dime, I couldn't help but picture those road crews we see with one guy working and 7 more standing around scratching their asses.

Happy ending though. The big guy was safely on his way back to Tampa by early afternoon.

Manatee Rescue

2009-12-06T16:34:00.002-05:00

The Florida Integrated Science Center has a group staying here at the Dixie Belle tonight. Their mission is to round up a misguided manatee who wandered west into cold water and needs to be relocated to warmer waters near Tampa where they hope to raise his dangerously low body temp. They know the body temp and location from his attached id tag.

There are only 2500 manatees left in the US and their only predator is man, so we are pretty much responsible for the survival of the species which originated 25-40 million years ago. The majority of their injuries and deaths are caused by damage done by outboard boat motors.

Susan, one of the scientists, told us that generally, manatees are pretty smart, but this guy not so much. He was in the Carribean & should have headed east into warm winter water but chose instead to head for the Dixie Belle Motel for Christmas. We'll invite him back for the summer months, but for now the rescue team needs to relocate him and warm him up.

It's a good thing that manatees have some smarts, 'cause they sure can't rely on their good looks.

Trailer Trash Christmas

2009-12-04T18:09:00.005-05:00

Ho, Ho, Ho. Well, my Christmas decorations are up. Totally tacky & half-hearted. That's a major improvement over last year, which was no-hearted.

It's so hard to get in the holiday groove here in LA (lower Alabama, lest you forget.) Not having family or friends close by affects one's mood as well. On a positive note, I'll be driving over to St. Augustine next Saturday to hook up with Nick and family for one night while on their way home from a visit to Disney. Can you imagine dragging two kids around Disney World? Everyone knows it's a place for adults to play. As for me, I'd like to move into Walt's (Disney, that is) apartment over the shops on Main Street. But I digress.

We're actually going to have a real Christmas at the condo in PCB. We booked a 3 bedroom unit this time and Danielle, Ike & kids are driving over from St. Augustine to join us. We'll even put up a tree. I'm drying the ubiquitous backyard lemons(dried slices look like stained glass) and glittering seashells to use as ornaments plus wrapping tons of junk to put under the tree.

We'll be beachfront, but whatever the weather I'm planning lots of family fun and surprises. I'm thinking I may be going into this thing whole-hearted after all. One never knows, do one?

Bye Violet

2009-11-30T17:36:00.002-05:00

She hated being shut up in the house. She hated her "fun tunnel." And one day last week she unzipped the fun tunnel and spent a couple of carefree hours exploring the great outdoors.

It made her so happy that I opened the doggie/cat door so she could come & go during daylight hours. When it started to get dark, I would find her, bring her inside & close the cat door.

Every day she came in regularly for food and lovin'. A couple of times she was out after dark and I could hear her cavorting on the roof of the trailer. Nevertheless, when I called she came. I closed the door & she seemed content to spend the evening cuddling with me.

Last night she came in early and I closed the door early. I went out to the laundry around 7 PM and when I opened the office door to come back in, she slipped by me & was out again. By this time it was stone dark.

I went out several times during the night calling her. Nothing. I told Dan to leave the cat door open until he came to bed. Nothing. This morning, nothing. No Violet. I was brushing my teeth when Dan came in to tell me she was dead in the road. Damn that stupid f***'in cat. I loved her. Damn her.

Shameless

2009-11-25T17:47:00.002-05:00

I almost broke my arm patting myself on the back. These are two of the most beautiful pies I've ever seen and I made them myself. Pumpkin, I've made many times and for me it's a no fail deal, but here I am at this advanced age and it's is my first ever apple pie.

I guess I never made one because I don't really care for apple pie, but Dan put in a special request for Thanksgiving so I gave it a shot. It's so pretty, it's almost a shame to cut into it. Not! I already did. Had a piece for my dinner tonight. Pretty darn tasty. Since it's only me & Dan for Thanksgiving tomorrow, there will still be plenty of pie, so I think I'll have a piece of the pumpkin for dessert. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Fun Run?

2009-11-13T10:56:00.003-05:00

That's what it's called, but I'm not sure that Violet agrees with me.

Violet is an indoor cat who's always scheming & plotting new escape plans. She'll launch herself over the front desk at guests who, she is sure, will liberate her. We've had more than a few screams and heart-stopping when this 15lb hair ball comes flying through the air at people' heads.

My attempt to satisfy her craving for the great outdoors and all the interesting stuff out there was to provide her with a safe place to play. Hence, the Fun Run. It can be put anywhere. I can fill the attached weight bags to keep it stable on hard surfaces or use the included stakes for soft ground. The whole thing compacts into a flat carry bag about 20" square.

Today's the first day & I'm hearing a lot of whining & crying from out there on the deck. What's not to like? I'm sure if I was a cat, I'd be thrilled to be confined to a 10' mesh tunnel to nowhere, while birds, lizards, bugs and birds roam freely just out of reach.

When life gives you lemons

2009-11-09T17:09:00.002-05:00

You see all those lemons? That's just one tree. We have two more trees & lemons coming out the butt. C'mon down here and pick some of these darn things or they're going to rot on the tree.

We keep a basketful on the front porch for folks to help themselves and Dan takes some down to the VFW, but an awful lot of them still go to waste.

Spent the day today converting the small kitchen unit into a non smoking room. We're now half & half. My goal is to be 100% non smoking. Dan's fighting me on this, but I'm determined. A couple of weeks ago we actually lost some business because we didn't have enough non smoking accomodations. On top of that, smokers burn holes in everything in the room. Who needs that aggravation? Not me.

We're going to have a couple of sloppy days due to tropical storm Ida, but I'm not complaining because this year's hurricane season pretty much didn't happen. The sun will be out by Thursday, so get your self on over here & pick some lemons!

An Exceptional Day

2009-11-05T17:39:00.003-05:00

It was a really beautiful cool, dry morning, so I threw a sassy scarf around my neck, hoisted my new TJ Maxx bargain purse and set out for Panama City. I had no major agenda, so I hit a few of my favorite stores just to browse. Kirklands, Pier One, Bed Bath & Beyond and my new favorite World Market. What a treasure trove that place is. Picked up a few great bargains and got compliments on my excellent new purse.

Walmart was my last stop where I finished my Christmas shopping. On checking out the cashier asked me if I was having a good day. "I'm having an exceptional day," I said. I was having so much fun, I forgot to have lunch, so I parked in front of a sub shop (or what passes for one here in LA) and called DH to see if he wanted me to bring him a sub as well. "Oh yeah, great idea," he says, so I hit the lock button, hop out, slam the car door and lock my keys inside. Not that I noticed until I came back out with the sandwiches.

When I called Dan, he tried the remote with our cell phones trick, but apparently that doesn't work when you are 35 miles apart, so he closed up the motel & came to my rescue.

Apart from that little hiccup, I must say that it was indeed an exceptionally good day. I still have my totally excellent purse and I beat Dan home by almost 5 minutes. I'll bet he didn't even know we were racin'. Love that.

Cat Fence

2009-11-02T15:25:00.005-05:00

It's been pretty darn dull around here with no business to speak of. On the up side the weather has turned from sullen and sultry to bright and crisp.

Perfect weather for cooking, so I whipped up one of our favs, a bacon and onion quiche. Now, those of you who have or have had cats know my dilemma. Where to put the thing to cool off. My Violet can get to just about every surface in the house. I usually stow things in the nuker, but hot out of the oven pie crust would get soggy in the enclosed space.

I did the only thing I could think of. My makeshift cat fence worked perfectly and the quiche, while not my best effort, was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone but the cat.

Rattlesnakes & Rattletraps

2009-10-25T17:00:00.003-04:00

Photo #2 shows a shot of a rattler captured in DD Danielle's back yard yesterday.

When Callie the cat didn't return from her afternoon romp in the yard, Danielle went to investigate & found Callie frozen in fear facing a fat, four foot long rattler coiled to strike.

Son-in-law, Ike distracted the viper while waiting for local law enforcement to come and hopefully, blow the thing's head off. Uh, uh didn't happen. Dudley Doright apparently wasn't permitted to use deadly force. Instead, he offered to "relocate" the critter, so he & Ike wrangled the thing into the above metal trash can. I hope in the "relo" neighborhood that folks lock up their cats, small dogs and kids.

This weekend, Port St Joe High School was having a classless reunion. No wise guy, I don't mean only "no class" people could attend, but because it's such a small town the reunion was open to every graduate regardless of year. One of my guests was one of four remaining from the class of 1941. Another guest, who I'm estimating graduated somewhere around 1965 arrived driving the above pictured vintage Camaro. He had one of those honkin' loud mufflers on it and he was personally sporting a diamond in one ear lobe. I'm guessin' a really cool guy.

While I'm sipping my first cup of coffee this morning, he comes to the office to turn in his key. Shortly afterward, I hear the roar of the engine starting up & then Bam! The damn thing blew up & there were open flames under the front end. The driver hopped out over the flames & ran. DH Dan, grabbed a fire extinguisher & got to the car in time to put out the fire before the gas tank went up.

That muscled up engine is toast and the sad remains were flat-bedded away. Now there's a class reunion the guy will be talking about for years.

Big Whoop

2009-10-22T17:57:00.002-04:00

Yeah, you're probably as impressed as I am. I spent over $1600 today and all I got was this lousy ice machine.

The old one bit the dust. Boy, did that hurt. Anyway, our friend Jim Emerson of Emerson's Heating and Cooling in Port St Joe, arranged for us to get this one at his wholesale price. What a good guy.

Dan picked it up in PC and Jim helped with the install. Now all I have to do is pay for it.

A Picture Is Worth You Know What...

2009-10-20T17:15:00.004-04:00

After our "Dan's birthday" weekend at the pricey condo we had enjoyed for my birthday the previous month, I did contact the Director of Ops and expressed our disappointment with the unacceptable unit first assigned to us.

Let me remind readers that Dan got the front desk to move us. It took an hour, but we were ok with it.

Those of you who know me well, would be surprised that I pretty much kept my innate facetiousness in check and worded my constructive criticism kindly. (Well, just except for the remark about a tenement with a view.) Within the week I received a response from the director himself, and I quote: "Today I inspected the unit you requsted to move from.....this unit has new light fixtures, granite counter tops and many upgrades." Yesterday he requested detailed information and any photos I had taken.

Two of the eight photos are included here. He got back to me today, and I quote: "Thank you very much for the information and pictures. This will help Rental Services in urging the unit owner regarding upgrades and guests perception of their unit and the resort..........Please contact me directly for your next visit and I will ensure you get a nice unit and provide you with dinner for two at our ..... restaurant."

We really like this place and the amenities, and since he offered, I took him up on his offer. He will personally choose the 3 bedroom unit in which we'll spend 4 days over Christmas.

Dan's Birthday Weekend

2009-10-13T18:01:00.002-04:00

Dan wanted a gourmand's delight for his birthday, so back we went to the condo complex we like in PCB. His birthday was everything he wanted and more, but it wasn't all pretty.

This is our second stay at this particular resort & on my birthday last month we were very impressed with our unit.

We would have requested the same one this time, but it was on the sixth floor & Dan wanted to be higher up. OK, we reserved last month before we left & were told we had a unit on the 11th floor. At check in, we find we are assigned to Tower 1, # 1004, so someone changed our unit from the original reservation. As we approached the doorway, we see a dirty crumpled up entry rug. Oh yeah. Downhill from there. This unit was a tenement with a view.

It was shockingly dirty with rusted out appliances, stained vertical blinds, ripped and torn master bedding, drawers which wouldn't close. My grandmother had a newer stove & she's been dead for 20 years. Dan got on the phone to let management know that this unit was not even rentable and after an hour we were reassigned to a unit in Tower #2 on the 11th floor. It was ok. Not nearly as nice as last month, but clean. Essential.

What I'm learning about condo rentals is that the individual owners are responsible for upkeep & maintenance. What I still don't understand is why management doesn't set minimal requirements for cleanliness and upkeep before they assign rental guests. Not to mention regular inspections of the units for compliance.

That issue aside, once we settled in, the sound of the surf & the incredible view lulled us into a state of relaxation. We had drinks at the on-site restaurant, which is actually quite good, but on this occasion, understaffed, so did take out from there to our rooms.

Birthday day!! Breakfast on site where they do a killer eggs benedict. Then for lunch, nachos at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, (hence the above photo,) topped off by an awesome dinner at the Boar's Head Tavern. If great food while staring at stuffed feral pigs works for you, then you'd probably like it as much as we do. The porkers, (not to mention the occasional wolverine, tiger, fox & badger,) on the walls have a strange appeal.

The birthday boy was happy.

Off To a Good Start

2009-10-09T18:12:00.005-04:00

This smile is totally fake because a frown makes me look older.
For the first time in several weeks, I have a full house tonight. Dan left, as usual at 4 PM for the V. The you know what hit the fan shortly afterwards.

# 5 called because her bathroom was flooded. When I called Dan, He told me to stick a towel under the leak. I did. # 1 called because their air conditioning isn't blowing cold enough. When I checked, I had to admit it could be cooler in there. While #1 was at the desk complaining and requesting one or more fans, my oldest friend from NJ called to tell me her mother passed away last night. I had to call her back so I could deal with #1. How rude am I to an old friend?

The kid from #6 just came in to ask me for a bobby pin for his mother's hair. A bobby pin??? Do they still make those things. I just may pull out my own hair before this night is over. It's only a litte after six. Plenty of time to lose my mind and my hair.

This is an addendum. It gets worse. Two women just checked in to my last room. Because it wasn't reserved, the air wasn't on. Not 5 minutes later they came for their money back because the ladies in #1 told them our air conditioning sucked and they didn't want to take a chance. Thanks girls. If they'd given it a chance they would have found that #3 has very strong air. I never argue or try to rationalize because a customer is going to perceive what they perceive. Nevertheless, I feel crappy about the whole night so far.